Turned Down for Presidential Pardon, Turkey Summarily Executed The Sportsman's Daily | Bio

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Just minutes after President Bush pardoned "Pumpkin," the National Thanksgiving Turkey, the President condemned another turkey, named "Popcorn," to die. According to White House spokesman , Popcorn's final wish was to spend his last day with the First Family before being executed at dawn in a solemn ceremony attended by the President and First Lady.

However, it didn't take long after the rose Garden Garden ceremony for Popcorn to wear out his welcome. White House sources describe the brash, garrulous bird making itself right at home, startling staffers with loud, defiant squawks, parking itself on chairs reserved for visiting dignitaries, and leaving fecal deposits on freshly shampooed rugs.

As his term whimpers to a close, the President is reported to be defensive and bitter, personalizing even the most random comments or gestures. He came to view Popcorn's complete disdain for White House protocol a thinly veiled show of contempt, another painful reminder of the President's free-falling irrelevance.

The President moved the execution up to late afternoon Wednesday; at 4 PM, Popcorn was taken out back where he was humanely executed by a hand grenade, which killed him on impact.

"While millions of Americans prepare to sit down to eat turkey, the President was looking forward to talking turkey and watching football with an actual 18 pound butterball turkey," said Josh Bolten, the President's Chief of Staff. "Unfortunately, Popcorn got a bit out of hand--you'd expect more humility from a turkey who's been given the distinct honor of spending its last hours with the First Family."

The popular pardon ceremony dates to the days of President Harry Truman in 1947. The condemnation, last wish and execution part was instituted in 1969 at the instigation of Nixon chief-of-staff H.R. Haldeman.

Update: Shortly after Popcorn's execution, Vice President Dick Cheney "accidentally" shot and killed Pumpkin, the Thanksgiving Turkey that Bush had previously pardoned, mistaking it for Barney, the President's dog, who just earlier in the day shat in Lynne Cheney's string bean casserole. Hours later, the VP narrowly escaped several gunshots as he sat down for a snack at his official residence. Two turkeys were seen leaving the scene. No arrests have been made.