• Persuade Lord Jesus Christ to swoop down from the heavens on his chariot and shower free Milk Duds and iPods on the people of Ohio, Texas, Pennsylvania, and Guam.
• Appear in three-episode arc of Lost as Sawyer's long-lost bounty-hunter half-brother, Wayne.
• Show up to next campaign rally with a soul patch, rock-hard pecs, and a set of abs you could grill a t-bone on.
• Spot bin Laden outside a Texas Wal-Mart, chase him down in the parking lot, tackle him, cuff him, drive him to the steps of the White House in a red-white-and-blue Hummer, and high-five a tour group full of veterans.
• Lead the 2008 NBA Western Conference All-Stars in points, rebounds, steals, and assists.
• Recover from horrific gun battle in streets of Detroit by emerging as some kind of half-man/half-robot law enforcement machine from the future.
• Blow remaining campaign funds on huge backyard swimming pool all of America is free to use.
• Write, produce, direct, and co-star in a raunchy-yet-poignant teen comedy with budding male lead Michael Cera.
• Reanimate central nervous system of Ronald Reagan, pump him full of psychotropic drugs, and trick him into endorsement.
• Pray so hard he shits Bibles for a week.
• Convince voters that John McCain is not actually a Republican.