Page 235:

"...And that's how I got pink eye from Dick Thornburgh."

Page 413:

"Funny, I can't seem to remember who won the 2004 presidential election. Do any of y'all remember? Oh, that's right: WE FUCKING DID."

Page 331:

"Condi's arm slid over the vast expanse of my naked belly like a golden-brown asp crossing the Sahara."

Page 42:

"When I was nine years old, a relative sexually molested me, resulting in a lifetime of misplaced anger and feelings of resentment.

Nah, I'm kidding! I'm just an asshole."

Page 185:

"See Chapter 17 for more info on how to hide a corpse."

Page 257:

"George had laced it with something called brodifacoum, which I later found out was rat poison. 'Hold on to your ass,' he cackled, 'Cause you're about to get knocked right on it.'"

Page 313:

"Naturally, my heart goes out to all those 9/11 people who were in that building."

Page 289:

"One thing I sincerely regret is propagating the rumor that JOHN MCCAIN FATHERED AN ILLEGITIMATE BLACK CHILD."

Page 512:

"So everybody still thinks I'm a genius, right?"

Page 12:

"Apologies for the typos, by the way. We wrote this fucker in, like, three days."