+ $5 billion: Snacks

+ $1,442.12: Purell dispensers on Air Force One

+ $340 billion: Junior Year Abroad programs

+ $12,000: Roads

+ $128 billion: Tribute paid to China

+ $6 billion: Aircraft carrier impulse-buy

+ $87 million: Rumored Jack Black-Kate Hudson vehicle

+ $600 billion: Failed secret war in Syria

+ 334,700: Fee to book Jeff Foxworthy for Correspondents Dinner

+ $5,800: Bob Novak slush fund

+ $78 million: Cirque du Soleil USO tour

+ $126 billion: Random kooky NASA shit

+ $807 billion: D.A.R.E.

+ $45.73: Venezuelan coup plot

+ $825,000: Hookers and blow

- $45,000: Eating out less

- $140 billion: Mixing in recycling with regular trash

- $55 million: State Department merchandise

- $250 million: Drinking from the tap

x 2 (for inflation)

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SUBTOTAL= $3 Trillion
SALES TAX= $0.1 Trillion

TOTAL= $3.1 Trillion