Went to the memorial of a great American the other day: Sponto. The "Mayor" of Venice Beach lived behind his storefront art gallery. Ran many things through that cramped space: Movie nights, poetry readings, poker nights, North Venice beach's polling place. He sold mind-altering shit to pay the rent and...

I went to fill up my imported, leased S.U.V. and it only cost forty-two dollars and twenty-one cents and I was like, "What the hey?" Just four months ago it cost eighty-four dollars and fifty-five cents for the same tank!?! Now, I haven't gone forward with my planned gas tank...

Sarah, this is God calling. How's everything?

We haven't spoke in a little while. I've been busy making sure only the sports teams I root for win.

Thank you for heeding my call to accept John McCain's impetuous offer to join his ticket. You really brought great attention to...

It's taken a week to digest that Barack Obama is actually my president. A week of trying to process a lifetime of cynicism and anger and disenfranchisement at the political process and the apathy of my fellow Americans and, sadly, myself. For my entire life, the America I believed I...

This ruins everything, eh? I've spent the last several months establishing a new identity. Enrolled my children in the Manitoba school system, got my Canadian National Health Card, dug the well for my self-sustainable lifestyle, forged a new passport, became quite proficient at Curling, filled my closet with Edmonton Oiler...

Somewhere in a Camarro parked outside of Wasilla:

"Dude, you dodged a bullet."
"It ain't like that, Bro. I love her."
"Dude!?!?"
"Shut up and pass the pipe."

Meanwhile, somewhere in Arizona:

"I can't fucking handle this! Two years of this shit and you only carried 10...

Socialist? Communist? Un-American? I thought we were replaying Vietnam, not McCarthyism! Well, if this race has come down to ridiculous, dangerous, slanderous culture wars, I'm ready to dive in.

John McCain is a philatelist! Do we really want a philatelist running our country in these dangerous times? Can we afford...

Oh, Sarah. My Sarah. Wasilla's church belle
Sent down from heaven to reek hell
Sparkling eyes that did not blink
When called forth from hockey rink

Mother four times, or maybe five
Convinced a zygote is already alive
Small town values are not as wild

I tuned in to watch the second presidential debate. Instead, I found myself watching "The March of the Penguin." The stalking, snarking, Viagra infused performance of John DisDain. That's his new name. Right? John DisDain. He wears his disdain on his marionette sleeve. He barks his disdain like a hung-over...

What is up with Sarah "Tinky Winky" Palin? Did some of the BS she was throwing around fly into her eye? I mean, what woman winks anymore other than at the Holiday Inn Express Karaoke Night?

Since she's...