1 for "hope"
1 for "change"
1 for "Yes we can"/2 if the crowd starts chanting
3 for "black"
1 for stuff about his poor Kenyan dad
1 for "my white grandma"
2 for if they use black music to introduce/play off Barack
...

Yesterday was my birthday, a day fraught with fears of aging and mortality, awkwardly talking to my old, Jewish aunt, who insists "they had to take Obama's prayer out of the wall, to see if it was written to Allah!" A raft of shitty presents, including ties I will never...

Dear Iranian Government,
I know you've been having some fun with Photoshop recently. Just wanted to help out. Do you have any positions available?

I can improve your already glorious flag...

I can rid maps of pesky countries that just don't get the...

Texas has always seemed from afar to be a tough place. There's dust and scorpions, all the plants have spikes on them, and dudes in leather pants eat testicles but are totally straight and could almost certainly beat me up/legally shoot me on their property. Sometimes it seems like Mad...