As his last official duty in office, President George W. Bush announced the induction of America's 51st state. "I would like to welcome everyone to the great State of Emergency," Bush declared. "This state will go down in history as one of America's most influential entities; it will affect the...

Don't pretend that this is a surprise. Every year, at this exact time, people ask me what's going on down here on the station, and when I tell them they respond invariably, 'Oh, the pledge drive already?' If you're listening right now, let's get something straight: You owe us. Big...

Arthur Fonzarelli was indicted today by federal prosecutors for bilking investors out of more than $50 billion worth of leather jackets in a classic Fonzi scheme.

Whistle blower Matsumoto "Arnold" Takahashi stated that Fonzarelli had been using his diner as a front to house the jackets. Takahashi told federal...

With polls showing McCain and Obama in a statistical dead heat, the media has anointed the Big 10 states as the decision-makers in the 2008 election. This is exciting for those in the Midwest, because after years of mediocrity, the Big 10 has once again emerged as the most relevant...

Mr. Barack Obama:

We at the McCain/Palin campaign find your offensive comments about Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin to be absolutely reprehensible.

How dare you attempt to disgrace Mrs. Palin by referring to her as a "pig in lipstick."

She's a pit bull in lipstick.

Get your facts straight, you misogynistic...

With all of the nation's attention focused on the Democratic and Republican primaries, a ghostly silence has fallen upon Washington, D.C. The town, usually saturated with the buzz of modern politics has fallen quiet, save for the blood-curdling cries of long dead, autistic mid-Atlantic debutantes whose families imprisoned them in...

I didn't think John McCain had a chance to beat Barack Obama, but he certainly has a shot now after naming Michael Palin for his running mate!

I mean, really, think about it, who doesn't like Monty Python? With this choice, McCain's campaign now has a chance to attract voters...

The announcement of the Michael Phelps endorsement deal with Kellogg's Frosted Flakes has raised several eyebrows across the country concerning the promotion of a sugar-laden breakfast cereal and it's connection with the most decorated Olympic athlete ever. This deal has also prompted many health experts to voice their concerns...

The United States and China are locked in a heated race for global human rights violations supremacy. While it was predicted that China would win the overall violations count, the U.S. is putting it's weakening money where China's one billionth mouth is. Did that make any sense? Read it...

According to a recent CNN poll, fewer than 25% of all Americans have a positive outlook on the state of the country. This combined with a recent AP-Ipsos which found that that 83% of Americans think that the U.S. is on the wrong track, show a bleak outlook running through...