Ian Gurvitz
To the Hillary Supporters Who Claim They'll Vote for McCain: Get Over Yourselves

OK, so the great female hope flew high for a while, but then fell back to Earth. She got smacked down by the electoral process, not the glass ceiling. Still, are you so spurned that the voters broke up with her that you're ready to put on your sluttiest...

Ian Gurvitz
President to Write Shocking Tell-All of Bush Administration

With reports of a seven-figure advance, and allegations even more shocking than those mentioned in Scott McClellan's recent memoir, the president has announced that he will personally pen a shocking expose of the Bush administration, alluding to bombshell revelations that the president purposefully mislead the American public into...

Ian Gurvitz
The Smallest Measure of Time: The Allreddy

First there was the New York Minute. Then, the nanosecond. Both colloquial expressions connoting a near instantaneous measure of time in which one event might follow another. For the scientifically inclined, there is Planck Time, defined as: ...the time it would take a photon traveling at the speed of light...

Ian Gurvitz
The Pet Iraq

As General Shuck and Ambassador Jive hit Congress again for more independent testimony, one thing is certain: Given the right imagery, slogans, and catch phrases, most Americans are dumb enough to buy anything. 30 years ago, after running the "Vietnamization" and the "Hearts and Minds" campaigns, we finally capped two...

Ian Gurvitz
Brother John McCain Explains It All for You

The following is an excerpt from a chapter on world religions from John McCain's upcoming book: I Spent Five and a Half Years in a Vietnamese Prison Camp and My Mind is as Sharp as a...Ooh, look, a Birdie! Published by Harper Collins. Purim. The Jewish version of...

Ian Gurvitz
Obama's Double Bind

With all the fear-mongering and 3 a.m. ads to come between now and November, I don't know if the country is smart enough to keep from having its buttons pushed. If we have brains enough to trust someone with intelligence and integrity to bring the best and...

Ian Gurvitz
No Country for Cranky Old Men

When age brings maturity and wisdom born by understanding the mistakes of the past, and the ability to incorporate that knowledge into the affairs of the present; when it carries with it compassion spurred by an awareness of the universality of human suffering and a desire to ameliorate it, then...

Ian Gurvitz
It's the Sincerity, Stupid!

With today's sexier McCain scandal literally rendering the plagiarism scandal to yesterday's news, it is refreshing to note one thing: It didn't stick. The Clinton campaign can throw all the plagiarism marbles under Senator Obama's feet that it wants, it's not going to shake the...

Ian Gurvitz
RNC: Obama Busted in Gay Tryst!

The Republican National Committee released this recent photo apparently showing the contender for the Democratic presidential nod in a romantic embrace with an unidentified white male. The photo, taken in North Carolina, was posted on various conservative websites and was immediately picked up by the mainstream media. While grainy, the...

Ian Gurvitz
Jesus Returns, Announces Third Party Candidacy

Bob Fischer, a South Dakota businessman and anti-abortion activist, told The Associated Press on Wednesday that while he could back the Arizona senator over either Democratic Senators Hillary Rodham Clinton or Barack Obama, he made clear that he and others in the evangelical movement are not content with those...

The Ultimate George Bush Retrospective

Our inspiring farewell salute to President George W. Bush.

The country may be post-racial, but Joe Biden is still Joe Biden
The country may be post-racial, but Joe Biden is still Joe Biden
Blago TV
Sharp-eyed viewers might have caught Blago appearing on a few other shows this...
What should Obama's response be to Republican "concerns" about the budget?
What should Obama's response be to Republican "concerns" about the budget?