Thank you for your interest in the Rod Blagojevich's Bargain Basement Illinois Legislature Blowout Sale! Below is a price list of the items currently available. Fax in your order now and and get a Chipotle burrito with each purchase!

-Illinois U.S. Senate Seat (pre-order now; avail....

Hey! Election Day is exciting, and you might forget things! So when you leave the house to go vote, keep this checklist handy! First you have to decide whether you're a Democrat (D) or a Republican (R), so if you don't know yet, you might want to get on that,...

1. Garden gnome
2. Dancing lizard
3. Grumpy old man
4. Angry troll
5. Axe murderer
6. Manchurian candidate
7. Vomiting monster-dragon
8. Grimace, the McDonald's character
9. Person in obvious gastrointestinal distress
10. Pile of mashed potatoes with teeth

SEN. CHRIS DODD (D-CT): "Secretary Paulson, I've looked over your proposal. It is stunning and unprecedented in both its scope and lack of detail."

TREASURY SECRETARY HENRY PAULSON: La la la I can't hear you! Right, guys? Ha.

DODD: "...and it would allow this secretary and his successors to act...

1. "After 8 years, I know what it takes to be president"
2. His "beautiful wife" Cindy
3. "Fully qualified"
4. From the "great state" of Alaska
5. "So he called for more troops, and now we're winning"
6. "A man who never quits...

1. Shopping for tuxedo jackets and pajama pants
2. Climbing a tree in Central Park; buying it (the park)
3. Writing a sweet, sad song of betrayal entitled "Martin Bashir"
4. Giving birth to some kids that are biologically unrelated to me
5. Dressing up as an Egyptian princess and then dissolving into a pile...

Senator McCain got a lot of flack Monday for his speech in which he mispronounced the name of the President of Georgia several times, and stumbled over words like "hostility," "sovereignty," and "Asia." It's hard to keep track of all of McCain's mispronunciations, so...

"On Monday, the Illinois senator was photographed in a helicopter touring Baghdad with Army Gen. David H. Petraeus, the U.S. military commander in Iraq...On Monday, the Arizona senator was seen on television riding in a golf cart with former President George H.W. Bush at Bush's oceanfront estate in Maine."

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For the first time yesterday, the United States joined the other major industrialized countries involved in the Group of Eight Summit in committing to try to halve greenhouse-gas emissions by 2050. Here are some of the other goals that the G-8 leaders are set to announce this week:

1) Double...