Important news today from the Vatican's chief astronomer (raise your hand if you knew the Vatican had a chief astronomer): Aliens are most probably, could be sort of true! "How can we rule out that life may have developed elsewhere?" says Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, from his perch at...

Congratulations to Danica Patrick, the first lady EVER to finish first in an IndyCar race! Way to steer! Nice job pressing the gas pedal, sister! Danica's big win means more than a blow for women's athletics, according to Chicago Tribune columnist Melissa Isaacson. It also means she will...

John McCain is picking up ground on Barack and Hillary these days, thanks in large part to the power of the McCain Brand ®. "John McCain has an identity that's well established with the American people," McCain strategist Steve Schmidt told The Washington Post. In other words, he's like...

Spoilsports in the Missouri legislature are trying to ban cage fighting among the state's young 'uns. Hello, Representative No-Fun-Allowed? If kids can't cage-fight in Missouri, where else are they going to do it? As those of us with cage-fighting children already know, the sport...

OVERHAULING ASS President Bush unveils his...

Dear John Hughes-- As a fan who recently was discussing your long dormant career, I read with interest today's "Where did he go?" article in the LA Times. You're the Howard Hughes of adolescent cinema! You're a shadow, a whisper, a rumor! And what's so funny...

Seems like the extended Democratic nomination process is taking its toll on more than the candidates--it's also making it a real bitch to plan the after-party. The host committee (think your high school's prom committee, writ large) promised Denver a $55 million bash, but cash on...

Newly released White House calendars back up Hillary Rodham Clinton's assertions that she's the gal to answer the phone at 3 a.m. After all--she was there! Dateline: February 26, 1993. The World Trade Center is attacked (albeit not as successfully as the 2001 version). President Bill...

Encouraging news if you own Bear Stearns stock: It closed at $30 a share today! Discouraging news if you own Bear Stearns stock: JPMorgan Chase (no relation to Gong Show judge Jaye P. Morgan) will buy the beleaguered firm for two bucks a share. I'm talking to you, Brit...

The world has changed since Moses descended with the Big Ten Shalt Nots, so our friends at the Vatican have updated the list of sins to keep modern folk on the straight and narrow. No polluting! That's a sin. So is stem cell research. Of course it is. Here...