FADE IN:

INT. YOUNG WOMAN'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

A YOUNG WOMAN and a YOUNG MAN sit on the bed. Bikini Kill's Suck My Left One plays on the record player.

YOUNG WOMAN
I'm going to get it, you know, taken

Indie Film Boy and I were bickering at the campus store over whether to buy hummus for our marathon night of French New Wave movies for our class on postwar directors. He wanted it--extra-garlic, no less!--and I took that as a clear sign that there would be no "breathless" make-out...

You are European, or of European extraction--bonus points if German. Especially from the state of Hesse. Born in the city of Wiesbaden (right near the banks of the Rhine)? We'll probably hit it off.

You are artsy. But not artsy in an "I'm a tortured artist" way. More like an...

Upon meeting George W. Bush, I will say, "It's an honor to meet you, sir," and extend my hand. When he reaches out for a shake, I will suddenly arc it up and behind my right ear and shout, "Psych!"

Then I will add, "Sorry about that....

Q: Mr. Wayne, first let me state that I find your life story--the obstacles you've overcome, your impressive achievements, the manner in which you've handled yourself at each stage of your career--inspiring.

A: Thank you. I'm quite partial as well to that fourth-grade book report on Where the Red Fern...