RSSWe trawl the depths of television, the Internet, and commercial news feeds to bring you the best news clips along with all the other weird crap we find. We couldn't make this stuff up.
Inaugural speaker Rick Warren advocates making marriage synonymous with misery
People are all up in arms about Rev. Rick Warren being plucked to give a speech at inauguration, but who knew Reverend Warren was not only pro-life, but pro-semantics? See it's not about the rubbing together of the same sexual parts, it's not about an old man and a baby domesticating, it's not about a farmer going on a romantic weekend to Boca with his kids. Just don't label it with the word "marriage."
Marriage is reserved as a holy sacrament which shall force a man and a woman to cling to each other for life, as they slowly grow to hate the tics that initially endeared the other to them and resent the suburban vacuous hell they have built together.
Fox News passes the baton to President-elect Obama
Oh, the symbolism. Fox News uses a split screen to show President Bush speaking about the economy, and President-elect Obama's podium. It is clear that Fox is using Bush to kill time. Obama steps to the podium, to announce his SEC chairperson, Mary Shapiro. Anchoress Megyn Kelly announces that Fox will switch to Obama's economic announcement, and the President's ongoing ramblings can be "monitored" on their website. Then, full frame Obama. How's that feel, bitches?
Fox News passes the baton to President-elect Obama
Mika Brzezinski mugged in Washington
Mika, the golden light of my morning TV, got mugged in Washington. Sad, and here's the video of her trying desperately to move the show along while the frat party around her harps on the incident:
I guess with Joe Scarborough around she should be pretty used to MUGGING! Alright, I'm packing up my stuff and going home for the day. Turn off the lights for me.
Ben Affleck literally hits you over the head with his camera to make a point
Ben Affleck presents an humanitarian short called Gimme Shelter, featuring the song Gimme Shelter, about refugees in need of shelter. Get it?
"I'm not an expert in international affairs or diplomacy" but boy do I love the Stones and really obvious metaphors. Sure it's vitally important people are aware of strife in the East Congo, but it's more important that people understand that I have mastered Obvious Filmmaking Techniques 101.
Santa Clause will take you to hell, yo.
Sure we all sang "Joy to the world, the teacher's dead" in elementary school, perhaps even with a slightly scary amount of glee. But Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist crazies take this glee, add in a drop of Bible-thumping, 2 cups of hate speech and with a little pinch of wrathful God, they whip up a confection sure to infect you with the Christmas spirit and an urge to burn some crosses.
Santa Claus is a terrorist. I bet his middle name is Hussein. I bet he makes the priests rape those little boys. I bet he sells nuclear secrets to Kim Jong-Il. I bet he goes cruising for babes with Vladmir Putin. I hear Santa went to San Francisco in the 1970s and invented homosexuality. If it weren't for Santa we would still have a white President. Fuck Santa. I wish he never existed.
