New York Times contributor Thomas Friedman has proposed a Barack Obama-Dick Cheney ticket.

What!? Can he be serious?

Or is it just a cloying endearing way for Tom Friedman to get your attention now that there's not another single drop to be wrung out of metaphors using the word "flat"?

But Obama-Cheney? What could he have been thinking? Well, we happen to subscribe to the RSS feed of Friedman's inner dialogue (it's a consolation feature offered to disgruntled Times Select buyers) and we're happy to let you in on it.

By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN

I...

How else am I going to start a Tom Friedman column?

have no idea who is going to win the Democratic presidential nomination, but lately I've been wondering whether, if it is Barack Obama, he might want to consider...

Should I say it? It's provocative. But cute. Like Tom Friedman! I'm gonna say it.

keeping Dick Cheney on as his vice president.

I said it!

No, I personally am not a Dick Cheney fan, and I know it is absurd to even suggest, but now that I have your attention, here's what's on my...

Award-winning

mind: After Iraq and Pakistan, the most vexing foreign policy issue that will face the next president will be how to handle Iran...I see Iran using its proxies, its chess pieces—Hamas, Hezbollah, Syria and the Shiite militias in Iraq—to stymie America and its allies across the region.

"Its allies." That's a hoot. Tom Friedman is funny.

And that brings me back to the Obama-Cheney ticket: When it comes to how best to deal with Iran, each has half a policy—but if you actually put them together, they'd add up to an ideal U.S. strategy for Iran. Dare I say...

Should I say it? Mustache says I should.

they complete each other.

I said it. You were right, Mustache. And it'll kill on "Charlie Rose."

Vice President Cheney is the hawk-eating hawk, who regularly swoops down...

"hawk," "swooping"...that's a metaphor. Tom Friedman is a writer!

and declares that the U.S. will not permit Iran to develop a nuclear weapon. Trust me, the Iranians take his threats seriously. But Mr. Cheney's Dr. Strangelove imitation...

Tom Friedman knows the pop culture, too.

is totally wasted with President Bush and Secretary of State Condi Rice...If she were taking advantage of Mr. Cheney's madness, Secretary Rice would be going to Tehran and saying to the Iranians:

I should do one of my signature informal, chatty dialogue things. They're cute. Like Tom Friedman.

"Look, I'm ready to cut a deal with you guys, but I have to tell you, back home, I've got Cheney on my back and he is truly craaaaazzzzy..."

Home run. I'm not stuffy, like other foreign policy columnists. I roll up my sleeves, tell it like it is, in your language.

What?

No, I'm not talking to you, Mustache. I'm talking generally, to the people. The ones I'm trying to save with my straight-talking Joe-Sixpack style.

Instead, we just have Mr. Cheney being Mr. Cheney, but the Bush team neither carrying out his threats nor leveraging them to drive meaningful diplomacy with Tehran. There's no good cop, it's just a bad cop/bad cop routine—a big reason our Iran policy has been a failure.

Yes, that's the reason we have no leverage with Iran. The only reason. What happened in 2003, and whoever happened to help that happen, is not important. If, indeed, such a thing ever happened.

Shut up, Mustache.

It has not stopped the Iranian nuclear program or changed the regime... Mr. Obama evinces little feel for generating the leverage you'd need to make such diplomacy work. When negotiating with murderous regimes like Iran's or Syria's, you want Tony Soprano by your side, not Big Bird.

"Sesame Street" is still on the air, right?

Mr. Obama's gift for outreach would be so much more effective with a Dick Cheney standing over his right shoulder, quietly pounding a baseball bat into his palm...

I couldn't think of another hawk thing.

In sum, Mr. Obama's instinct is right—but he needs to dial down his inner Jimmy Carter...

Maureen gave me that one. She couldn't use it because she's already decided to go with "Obambi." Hilarious!!!

a bit when it comes to talking to Iran, and dial up a bit more inner Dick Cheney. If Democrats want to win this election...

They should buy "The World is Flat." C'mon, Mustache, I haven't mentioned it this entire column!

they have to get these two in balance—they have to learn how to criticize the Bush record from the right and the left, to show they can be better at engagement and coercion.

In other words, they need to listen to me, Tom Friedman. And yes, you too 'stache.

No, I'm not putting you on the byline.