Wednesday night the Republican presidential candidates gathered in St. Petersburg, Fl., for the CNN/YouTube debate, and 23/6 was there.

Okay, 23/6 wasn't there, but we were at home, eating tacos and watching it on cable, where we were able to liveblog the entire event. Read on to find out how the candidates performed, who got angry, who got burned, and whether or not the YouTube videos included a question from the dramatic chipmunk.

8:01 p.m.: First off, Anderson Cooper's coat is made of velour. But a very heterosexual velour. Aside from Coop, none of the candidates are on stage yet because the governor of Florida is going to introduce them. Oh, no, wait, someone is going to introduce the governor of Florida, who is then going to introduce the candidates. The candidates are arriving on stage one by one. It looks like Battle of the Bands.

8:03 p.m.: Fred Thompson is a giant. A giant. He's like the senator from "Big Fish."

8:14 p.m.: The first question is about illegal immigration and whether or not New York could be considered a sanctuary city. Mitt Romney says it was. Rudy Giuliani says that Romney's home was a "sanctuary mansion" because he had illegal aliens working on the renovation. These guys are sissy-slapping each other to decide who is the most racist, and it seems like a dead heat. Luckily, the SECOND QUESTION IS ABOUT ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION.

8:19 p.m.: Love the font CNN has been using for these debates. It looks really rugged.

Like the candidates are arguing about racism out in the desert. Cover your eyes from the blowing sands/racist remarks.

8:27 p.m.: Mike Huckabee says that our country can do better than punishing kids for something that their parents did. Which is a nice sentiment, but seems like an all-too-convenient segue into the incestuous-rape-abortion question.

8:34 p.m.: Not quite sure what this next question is about. It's for Ron Paul and it's something to do with a conspiracy to form a North American Union. Don't know what that is, but it's clearly something of deep concern to people who wear online gaming microphone headsets.

8:38 p.m.: This crowd is whooping and hollering and booing and cheering at everything. They're out of control. Do they think they're at a Bryan Adams concert?

8:42 p.m.: Ooh, here comes a YouTube question about tax reform from some guy named Grover Norquist. Nice choice, CNN. Just some homemade videos from some of the most ordinary powerful conservative lobbyists on Capitol Hill. Regular people.

8:50 p.m.: Each of the candidates has made a YouTube-style video (i.e. poor quality, long load time, involves ottoman humping). The first one shown is from Tom Tancredo. It claims, "He took on Geraldo, and now he's ready to take on Hillary Clinton." Apparently Geraldo is the bar for competitiveness in this contest.

8:55 p.m.: The second YouTube video is from Fred Thompson. It features some historical footage of Romney and Huckabee, and accuses them of having liberal positions on abortion and taxes. Anderson Cooper's follow-up: "Senator Thompson, what's up with that?" Good question, Anderson. Very professional. You should be a vlogger. Lonelyanderson15 over here.

Also, just to reiterate, Mitt Romney made a mistake. He hates abortion.

9:01 p.m.: A YouTuber named Jay submits a great question about gun control that involves his catching and cocking some sort of automatic weapon, to which Duncan Hunter delivers a lesson on gun safety and how you should never throw a gun to someone, but should hand it to them.

I think we've all learned something here tonight. Duncan Hunter is an idiot.

9:05 p.m.: Listening to the GOP candidates talk about what guns they own is almost pornographic.

9:07 p.m.: The candidates get a question about black-on-black crime, clearly something with which they all have a lot of firsthand experience. Mitt Romney says that crime occurs in bad neighborhoods because some kids don't have a mom and dad. Ah ha, but what if your mom and dad are cold-blooded killers? Got you there, Mitt!

9:08 p.m.: Journey from Texas asks about abortion. Ron Paul recommends we have no federal abortion police. Unclear whether state and local abortion police are okay.

9:09 p.m.: Ron Paul's specialty is telling Americans the bitter truth, things we don't want to hear. He comes through again, reminding us he's an "OB/Gyn."

9:11 p.m.: Mitt Romney says he's not running for mayor. Ron Paul says he's not running for governor. Glad we got that cleared up. Meanwhile, Rudy insists he would not sign a ban on abortions. He keeps saying "Roe against Wade" like it's some kind of baseball matchup from 1910.

9:15 p.m.: Question: "What would Jesus do?" Really? What would Jesus do? Jesus thinks YouTube is for punks.

9:17 p.m.: Joseph from Dallas asks "Do you believe every word of the Bible?"

Joseph is serious and menacing; he needs to get out of the house more often, or perhaps more accurately, he needs to never leave it. Giuliani claims the Bible is his favorite book, but he doesn't believe Jonah was in the belly of the whale. Rudy, that's actually one of the more plausible stories in the Bible.

Romney gets a big round of applause for mentioning God, but then he fumbles big time, refusing to say whether he believes every word of the Bible. Will he fumble when asked if he believes every word of the Constitution?

9:23 p.m.: Rudy's YouTube campaign video was clearly written by Carson Daly's telephone scab writers. King Kong? Reduced snowfall in Manhattan? Stop, you're killing me.

9:24 p.m.: FINALLY, Giuliani gets a chance to mention 9/11. We were worried Rudy, thanks! Asked about repairing America's image in the Muslim world, Giuliani says we shouldn't engage in "group blame." Dead silence.

9:27 p.m.: Duncan Hunter talks about "you," by which he means all non-Americans. The United States has damn near saved the world, according to Hunter. He channeling Ross Perot who, back in 1988, said "you people" in reference to blacks.

9:30 p.m.: John McCain is emasculating Mitt Romney on the subject of torture. Somewhere, Tagg is quietly weeping.

9:33 p.m.: Fred Thompson answers a question about the occupation of Iraq, which mainly serves to remind us that he is still alive.

9:34 p.m.: Wait, maybe not.

9:35 p.m.: Yep, still alive.

9:36 p.m.: McCain blames the public for the loss in Vietnam. Nicely done, John. When all else fails blame Americans.

9:39 p.m.: The crowd hates Ron Paul and is looking for blood. They're cheering wildly at a mention of "radical Islam." Doesn't seem like the crowd is going to leave until every last Muslim is strung up and "not tortured."

9:41 p.m.: Fred Thompson makes a stunning announcement: a vice president needs to be capable of taking over should he need to. Thanks for the heads-up that you're going to die in office.

McCain says he would pick a vice president who has more expertise in telecommunications than he does. Because we all want a second-in-command who knows the difference between free nights and weekends and free mobile to mobile calls.

9:51 p.m.: Retired Brigadier General Keith Kerr just stood up and said he served 42 years in the Army as a gay man. The candidates do not look comfortable.

9:52 p.m.: Now he's getting booed by the crowd. They liked it more when the candidates talked about what guns they owned. If you're bored, feel free to skip ahead in the blog to 10:45 p.m., in the parking lot, where an angry crowd begins bludgeoning Kerr to death.

9:56 p.m.: The Mars issue comes up. Mike Huckabee says he doesn't want to make any hasty decisions, but he gets a big laugh when he says he'd send Hillary there. So, making tough decisions? Not Huckabee's thing. Killing a woman by sending her to deep space? He's your man.

9:57 p.m.: Tom Tancredo says Mars can go fuck themselves.

10:00 p.m.: Mike Huckabee is discussing African-Americans. The camera frantically pans the crowd, looking for a brown face. The camera is unsuccessful.

10:05 p.m.: Rudy Giuliani is talking about "building new bridges," meaning reaching out to black people. Just kidding! He's talking about building actual bridges.

10:09 p.m.: The last question of this night is for Giuliani. It's about his declared support of the Red Sox while stumping in New Hampshire. Hilarity ensues. The crowd likes sports talk a lot more than gay generals.

10:11 p.m.: And it's over. The clear winner? Anderson Cooper's tailor.