Wednesday's Des Moines Register-sponsored GOP debate, the last before the Iowa caucuses in January, showed the candidates in a practiced, civil, articulate light. John McCain appeared so exhausted as to seem affable and Ron Paul reminded everybody that the world hates us.

The rest of the candidates (including Alan "Who Knew I Was Even Running?" Keyes) took a cue from the Washington Post's recent article about candidates' body language and used physical gestures to communicate their hopes, dreams and desires to a barely-attentive American public. Let's go straight to the videotape and see just how much louder actions speak than words.

Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, the GOP frontrunner praised as a gifted nonverbal communicator, still felt compelled to subconsciously but unmistakably inform his rivals he'll cut them like a velociraptor if they mess with him.

Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani wants you to know he's tough, and also 9/11 and all that stuff. He's seen minorities in person, and has even watched a couple of rap videos, so he knows how to work the emphatic urban hand gestures. You feel me?

Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, the best-looking, wealthiest and most polished of the lot, seems to be struggling with believing his own talking points. He says his ideas are good, but look at what his head is doing as he lays them out.

Colorado congressman Tom Tancredo will use his fingers to personally crush the heads of each and every illegal immigrant. And check out the steepled, "praying" hands at the end of the clip—a not-so-subtle warning to those Muslims who pray all the time.

By the looks of his smug mug, California Congressman Duncan Hunter is proud he's still in the race. Awww, yeeeeah.


Former Reagan-era U.N. ambassador Alan Keyes just wants you to know that, between the histrionic finger-pointing, indignation-snorfling, and head-bobbing...he's completely insane.