Odds that...

Condoleezza Rice is flying to Iraq today to give the Turkish troops crossing the border their timesheets and tell them about the half-hour lunch break: 5-1

Fidel Castro "won't cling to power forever" because he's focused on saving Pamela Anderson from that douche Rick Salomon: 7-4

Amsterdam's newly cleaned-up "red light" district will be full of drunk American frat boys wondering where the Olive Garden is: 19-6

Pakistan rejected ex-prime minister Nawaz al-Sharif's election bid appeal because it can't think about anything but Michael Jackson's bandaged face: 8-3

Matthew McConaughey's injuries from fight training for his new movie are because he wouldn't let go of his bongos: 1-1