This morning, Eliot Spitzer announced his resignation as governor of New York, effective Monday, in the wake of "unspecified personal indiscretions"—a euphemism destined to become the "wardrobe malfunction" of 2008.

But just because a prostitution scandal is forcing Spitzer to step down in disgrace, that doesn't mean he's lost all his friends. The ever-loyal World's Worst PR Guy was at his side, slightly behind and to the right of Spitzer's wife Silva, to issue this statement about the governor's resignation.

Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I have a very exciting report just handed to me by the office of my client, Governor Eliot Spitzer. It appears that a major international prostitution ring has been busted--the latest in a long string of nefarious business organizations to go down during Gov. Spitzer's reign.

Forgive me, I'm reading this report cold right now...so it appears the biggest catch of the Emperor's Club VIP is a so-called "Client 9," who is none other than...oh, Christ.

Well, that's just about the definition of irony, isn't it? It's an oft-misunderstood term. It means the expression of something different from or opposite to its literary meaning, or an incongruity between expectation and actuality, and not just when things go horribly wrong. Though this sort of qualifies for that, too.

Okay, there's obviously been some confusion here. Gov. Spitzer was surely using the high-priced prostitution ring to uncover further wrongdoings within the Wall Street community. Post-coital businessmen often casually reveal crucial information to their partners, so if anyone would know about it, it would be the girl known as--let's see here--"Kristen." Oh, my God. K.? She told me I was the only...hold on, I'm trying to process this.

A lot of you might be wondering why he didn't just go the time-honored politician's route of having a mistress--it's a private matter, there's no paper trail, no violation of the Mann Act, no chance of a commuted sentence in a minimum-security prison in Scarsdale. And with those striking good looks, you'd hardly even know Spitzer is Jewish. The governor could certainly find a willing lady. And he did! Michelle Slatterly of Albany. She just hasn't come out of the woodwork yet, thank God.

I also want to assure his constituents that Gov. Spitzer's foray into high-class escorts does not mean he's abandoning his commitment to the public. He has promised he will also entertain the prospect of middle-class escorts and all that entails-- seductively snuggling up to Netflix rentals, salaciously ordering in Chinese, going to brunch with his relatives and erotically filling in the awkward silences.

Let's look at the bright side here, folks. At least he's not gay.