Inappropriate Hottie Rundown: Polygamist Sect Leaders

John Taylor
Say 'ello to English-born John Taylor, the O.G. of polygamist cultishness. He headed the Mormon Church from 1880-1887, and when the U.S. declared plural marriages illegal, he went underground and ran the church in exile. Maybe that explains his grim, bruisy, K-hole-ish demeanor. Like Duran Duran's bassist of the same name, he rocks a foppishly romantic look, but he's really more into protecting his scroll than rocking a 'tweener all night long.
1 out of 4 broken hymens

Leroy Johnson
Is that Ross Perot or a turtle? Wait, it's Leroy Johnson, the founder of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (FLDS) sect in Arizona. Love the long, stubby, wrinkled fingers - perfect for waggling at sinful pubescents, then stroking lightly over their breast buds. Dress up and play Anna Nicole with him, but tell him his ears look like Obama's, and there'll be hell to pay. In your vagina.
2.5 out of 4 broken hymens

Rulon Jeffs
ROWRR! Feisty Rulon Jeffs, the leader of Arizona's FLDS sect until son Warren Jeffs took over, knows how to double his fun. He married his late father's wives, which means he's his own stepfather. This kinky Grand Canyon Stater's both MILF- and NILF-friendly. When this sun-kissed patrician nabs you in the gazebo and bends you over, your tiny, reedy little voice will be howling to the Angel Moroni!
4 out of 4 broken hymens

Warren Jeffs
Meet FDLS leader Warren Jeffs. He made the FBI's Most Wanted List - and ours! This tall drink of water looks like James Woods on a raw food diet, but there's nothing pure about his interest in S&M. Love the faint smile on his face as he "struggles" in his handcuffs and belt bondage. Punish this naughty, naughty FLDS big poppa during conjugal visits at Utah State Prison. He'll help tie the knots if your tiny hands are too weak.
3 out of 4 broken hymens

Paul Elden Kingston
Grrrr, it's Paul Elden Kingston of the Kingston Clan! Paul's group, the Latter Day Church of Saints, practices interfamilial plural marriage, so once he's inside your secret underwear, a threesome/communal farm with your prettiest cousin won't be far off. He's a lawyer, which is boring, but at least he'll be able to afford your allowance. You get a dollar for every pubic hair. Eat the crusts of your sandwich, that'll make em grow!
2 out of 4 broken hymens

Brian David Mitchell
Brian David Mitchell was born to be wild! This dreamy-eyed ex-Mormon and his second wife kidnapped Elizabeth Smart to found a sect of three. Who wouldn't want to go into hiding with this Sean Penn-meets-Outward-Bound-counselor mashup? He calls himself "Emmanuel," so he's probably into roleplaying. His beard looks rough, so if he decides to baptize you "down there" with his tongue, grit your teeth and think of heaven. You're already halfway there!
3 out of 4 broken hymens