Election 2008

One of Hillary Clinton's campaign themes has been the idea that she's been vetted, because she's been in the public eye so long. Even so, we keep learning new things about her. This week we've learned that she loves her some guns. Said the candidate, "My dad took me out behind the cottage that my grandfather built on a little lake called Lake Winola outside of Scranton and taught be how to shoot when I was a little girl." Then the good ol' gal threw back a shot of whiskey.

Unlike that snooty Barack Obama, who apparently went to college, Hillary can speak to the lunch-pail crowd. But what about the rest of us, who can't communicate as natively as Hillary can with Joe Sixpack. For you, there's the Hillary Clinton Blue Collar Speak-O-Tron.

As I look out over this
crowd
trailer park
platoon
NASCAR speedway
strip club
duck blind
check cashing establishment, I remember when I was
at a Toby Keith concert >dry walling my garagein the suckin the shitshit-facedshit-faced in the shitsucking face at a Toby Keith concert.

Suddenly, I was surrounded by enemy soldiersinbred cousinsPettys and Earnhardtsmy fellow jarheads from Tuzla. Somebody yelled, "Incoming!""Nice tattoo!""Where's my .22?""Chug!""Show us your tits!""I'm gonna hurl!"

The next thing I knew, I was hit by a Jaeger shota jello shota body shotbuckshotshrapnelmy cousin's penisa summons for public urination.

I was scared. But in the end, I vomited and kept drinkinglocked and loaded my .50 caliberhad Toby sign my left titpawned by wedding ring and made bailgot the 3 piece dinner at Popeye's.

Now, my opponent likes to sip something called "chai"wear dresses and read bookstalk in Frenchuse a napkin, but if you ask me, I'd tell you to always drink liquor before beerpee before the concertserpentine to avoid sniperscut the meth before you snort it.

Thank you for your time. I know it's you and I who are the real Americans.

Posted by: Stephen Sherrill      I’m a fan of Stephen Sherrill