German Chancellor Angela Merkel startled the media last weekend when she appeared at the opera wearing a low-cut dress. The Daily Mail called her bosom, "Merkel's Weapons of Mass Distraction." Germany's deputy spokesman Thomas Steg told reporters, "That wasn't the chancellor's intention... [she] was a bit surprised that this evening dress caused such a splash."

Actually, deputy spokesman, the splash was caused not by the dress, but by two vanilla softies falling out of the dress. Since women worldwide are being elected to public office in increasing numbers, it's no longer taboo to wonder who else is out there, and how do their chests stack up?

Jews, just be glad that German Chancellor Angela Merkel is not interested in racial purity. Because if that chest knocked on our door one night, demanding the whereabouts of "der Juden," we'd personally put the entire staff of the New Yorker on a train to Bergen-Belsen.

Boo! House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's dark, demure silk shell hides the glorious Italian figs that fed five rapacious children. We understand...first female blah to blah, ever in the history of blah. But you've got the job now, girl, loosen up! If your neckline was as low as Congress's approval ratings, those ratings would swell.

We first became aware of Finnish President Tarja Halonen when Conan O'Brien made fun of their disturbing resemblance. Thankfully, their doppelganging ends where Tarja's décolletage begins. While we see no cleavage in this photo, we blame the bra. Instead of pushing up and out, Tarja is pressing down and around. As leader of an oft-invaded country, Tarja's "fortress" tells the Russians, "climb over these, I dare you."

Senator Hillary Clinton can summon her rack at will, as evidenced by last summer's faintly provocative, pink-sheathed glimpse of the former First Boobs. When she's president, we hope we'll see more of the two reasons Bill Clinton fell in love with her mind.

This is Gloria Macagapal Arroyo, the president of the Philippines, surfing on vacation. She may not be hanging ten, but in a wetsuit—perhaps the most neutering garment in existence—she's hanging at least two. Who knew such juicy melons grew in Asia?

Argentinian President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner's hooters are muy grande, and she'll accessorize them with a necklace and shove them right in your face if she has to. Cristina makes "The Tudors" look like "The Waltons". If, for some reason, Angela Merkel has to flee Germany and seek political asylum, we hope she, like her countrymen, picks Argentina.

Here's British Home Secretary Jacqui Smith at the House of Commons, speaking right after the '07 terrorist attacks in London. Cover these, al-Qaeda! What world leader could possibly hold a candle to Jacqui-with-a-Q's boldly impressive, barely-restrained bosom? There's only one...

This frolicsome former president isn't worried about a nipple slip. Hell, no! He'll take his whole top off and splash around in the ocean with lensmen snapping away, and so would you, if you had gazongas like this. Everyone else can cover back up and go home: Bill Clinton's truly spectacular rack puts everyone else's to shame.

But whose hands are those on his shoulders?

Posted by: Laurie Kilmartin and Colleen Werthmann