Global warming vs. Congress

2008 - The Warner-Lieberman Bill is introduced showing Congress is beginning to take global warming seriously. Many congressmen and the president argue that the bill will hurt the economy whereas coastal flooding, drought, increased storm activity, and enormous wild fires will not. The bill barely passes; President Bush vetoes it.

2015 - The oceans begin to claim coastal regions. Massive beach walls are built to protect wealthy areas, while poor coastal peoples wash out to sea. Congress again introduces a bill to stop global warming and repair the damage. President Obama says he will sign it into law, if Congress will pass it. It seems the bill will pass but at the last moment Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson attaches a rider that the state of Texas is entitled to three tons of free pickled pigs feet per year. Despite intense debate, the bill still passes. However, three days later PETA succeeds in getting pigs listed as an endangered species. Just a few months later, the Supreme Court rules that the global warming bill cannot guarantee the pickled feet of an endangered animal. The bill is therefore ruled unconstitutional.

2020 - U.S. capital moved to St. Louis because Washington D.C. is underwater. Nations around the globe are ravaged by drought, floods, and fires. The global warming bill is reintroduced as the McCain-Clinton Bill (Chelsea Clinton). Bill passes in the House but is essentially killed in the Senate when Senator Mitch McConnell has the clerk read all 1,200 pages of the bill out loud as well as three Harry Potter books and the operating manual to a 1959 Chevy Impala.

2025 - U.S. capital moved to the mountains of Colombia. The global warming bill is again introduced. It passes the Senate quickly because the Senate chambers is three feet deep in water. The House then passes the bill but not before changing the word "pollution" to "excessive atmospheric particulate." The change cannot be reconciled in a conference committee, and therefore the bill dies. The average temperature of the earth is 135 degrees Fahrenheit on a cool winter day. Most nations are on fire. Polar bears are not extinct but only because they've managed to devour every last penguin, whale, zebra, giraffe, bald eagle, panda bear, koala bear, kangaroo, dolphin, dog, and cat.

2030 - U.S. capital moved to tippy-top of Everest. Global warming bill again introduced. Following 30 hours of fierce debate, Senate passes it. Days later the House of Representatives passes it. However President Jenna Bush refuses to sign the bill due to supposed harm it would cause the economy. She does not veto the bill but instead simply refrains from signing it, meaning it will become law after ten days unless Congress adjourns during those ten days. It does. The bill is effectively dead. Moments later all remaining humans are incinerated. The economy tanks.