President Bush is taking one last tour of Europe before he leaves office, and he is hoping to get a friendlier reception this time around. To ensure a happy send-off, his aides have painstakingly created an appearance schedule that guarantees nothing but pleasant receptions all around. Take a look:

Monday - 2 PM - Paris, France - Luncheon with the "Committee For French Citizens Who Get Off On Being Insulted." Bush will address a committee devoted to serving the needs of French men and women who get an erotic kick out of terms like "Axis of Weasel" and "Freedom Fries." As a farewell gift, the committee will present Bush with a commemorative leather mask.






Tuesday - 9 AM - London, England - Breakfast chat with the Assembly For Britons Who Thought Tony Blair Did The Right Thing After 9/11. In attendance: George Bush, Tony Blair, and perhaps the crumpet delivery-man if he has some time in between his crumpet deliveries.







Wednesday - Noon - Northern Vikingland - Bush will stand in the middle of a field in a remote part of Spain and his aides will tell him he is in a country called Northern Vikingland. Several dozen villagers will be paid handsomely to cheer and wave signs that read "Thank you for saving us from Conan the Barbarian and his Barbarian Army" while Bush wears a hat with horns on it and talks about why victory in Iraq is essential for future Viking generations.





Thursday - 6 PM - Stockholm, Sweden - Some guy named Sven's house - President Bush will visit this guy named Sven, who is the last Swede who still approves of Bush's job in office.








Thursday - 6 PM - Appearance at some guy named Sven's house CANCELLED Sven has a prior engagement at a Swedish Meatball party. Aides requested that perhaps the president might be allowed to tag along, but Sven started making sounds with his mouth to pretend that the connection went bad and then hung up the phone.






Friday - Noon - Milan, Italy Hilton - The president will receive people into his presidential suite that he believes are excited Italians wishing to bid him farewell. The "Italians" will be portrayed by Secret Service agents wearing an inventive array of fake mustaches. The "Italians" will present the President with slices of pizza, cannolis, and the video game Super Mario Galaxy.





Posted by: Bob Powers      I’m a fan of Bob Powers