The unthinkable has happened. The price of gasoline has risen above $4.00 per gallon. People in rural parts of America are giving up meat to fuel their cars. They're driving their tanks dry and then abandoning their vehicles by the side of the road. Gas thieves are running rampant, piercing vehicle tanks and draining the fuel.

The Gas Wars are upon us. You must be prepared to defend your home, family, and fuel supply if you hope to survive. Here's how!

1. Form a murderous clan

There's no better way to fight a marauding gang of gasoline pirates than to form a kill party of your very own. You and your neighbors must organize into a paramilitary unit and form a colony under your own flag and laws. Getting everyone in line might prove a little more difficult than just handing out crossbows at your next book club. So if you find that some of your neighbors feel like they're willing to wait it out and see if the prices go down, make them feel the threat by setting fire to their Hyundai's gas tank and maiming one of their young in the explosion, BUT MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A GASOLINE GANG DID IT! Terror and vengeance are key ingredients to building an army.

You'll need several hundred feet of flexible, plastic tubing and an arsenal of crossbows. Mount the end of a hundred foot strip of tubing to the tail of an arrow. With a good strike on a gas tank, the fuel will drain straight into your tube and you can fill your cans without giving up your hidden position. Demand that all gang members log at least four hours of target practice daily.

The kids are going to have to walk to school from now on, but this is essential. Lay down tire spikes and pressure mines at a random pattern on all roads approaching your immediate perimeter and you can be sure anyone coming to steal your gas is going to get a big surprise.

A pubescent teen with acne can produce enough oil from his or her face to power a lawnmower for three hours. Your 12-to-15 year old is like an untapped well waiting to be claimed. Hide them. Keep them in the basement out of sight of pirates, and make them pierce and drain their blemishes into jam jars.

Repeat after me: there is no such thing as conservation. We're way beyond that now. Any gasoline surplus you conserve will simply be gasoline waiting to be stolen. Use it up as soon as you acquire it. When they come, there will be nothing left for them to steal, but they'll be sitting ducks for you to steal their gas. Leave them with nothing to gain and everything to lose, and you will win this war. Remember, THAT GAS IS YOURS.

People use gasoline. The more people in your gang, the more gas they're going to use. The less people in your gang, the more gas for you. Murder the weaker women and the children too young for immediate combat. Anyone that doesn't aid the fight is an enemy to your supply.

If you haven't had time to use up all your gas, and you don't think you can defeat the encroaching hordes, set your gas on fire. You may have lost the war, but at least you didn't let them win.

Posted by: Bob Powers      I’m a fan of Bob Powers