June 11, 2008

Ted Strickland on Obama VP short list, still needs to work on fadeaway jumper

According to Democratic sources, Aaron Pickrell, a key political aide to Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland, will manage Barack Obama's campaign for president in that state. Meanwhile, Strickland himself is on a short list of possible running mates for Obama, despite the governor's early support of Hillary Clinton.

But one crucial question is going unasked during the intense VP vetting process: How does swing-stater Ted Strickland match up against former NBA point guard Rod Strickland and dictatorial "Back to the Future" character Principal Strickland?

The Three Stricklands

Ted vs. Rod vs. Principal: how do they stack up?


CURRENT POSITION	Gov. of Ohio	Assistant coordinator of basketball operations at the University of Memphis	Presumably, still principal at Hill Valley High School
ANTAGONIST	VP frontrunner Sen. Jim Webb	Former Knicks starting point guard Mark Jackson, whom Strickland backed up	Slackers
CROSSOVER POTENTIAL	Religious values score high approval ratings among Republicans	Has lost a step off the dribble	Reprised role in Back to the Future II and III (as Strickland's ancestor, Chief Marshall James Strickland)
PROPOSED SPEED LIMIT FOR HOME STATE	65 mph	55 mph	87 mph (strictly enforced)
HAIRSTYLE	Gubernatorial	Trim	Nonexistent
SIGNATURE MOVE	Vote against partial birth abortion	Behind-the-back no-look pass	Staredown of undersized Canadian actors
TAINTED BY	State Attorney General Marc Dann's sexual harassment scandal	Arrest for refusing to leave a restaurant being shut down by fire marshalls	Nearby stench of manure
PROPOSED ALTERNATIVE ENERGY SOURCE	Ethanol	Powerade	1.21 gigawatts from lightning bolt
WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT HIM	"I don’t know him personally, but he’s well regarded. He has time in the House, and he’s in an important state." – Jim Webb	"The first-round pick, why'd The Knicks trade Rod Strick? That man is nice!" – Brand Nubian	"That's Strickland. Jesus, didn't that guy ever have hair?" – Marty McFly