Retired General Wesley Clark has gotten into hot water for his remarks expressing doubts about John McCain's fitness to lead the nation, despite McCain's Navy service and status as a former prisoner of war. It's a good thing Clark has 23/6's resident PR expert to defend him:

Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for meeting me at this Captain D's Seafood Kitchen as I elaborate on the comments of my client, Wesley Clark.

First off, Gen. Clark's comments were taken wildly out of context. Yes, he said, "I don't think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president," but also unspoken and implied is that Sen. McCain failed to find his way back to friendly territory like you see in the movies all the time. What message are we sending to our hopeful, cinephile youth if we elect this kind of quitter?

What my client really meant was that Sen. McCain's wartime record does not necessarily translate to wise executive-level judgment. So Barack Obama may not have served in the military. Let's face it, the only active things he's done are play basketball, which he's really good at, because he's...you know... And also he knew how to score marijuana, or blow when he could afford it. But he's made sage, balanced decisions throughout his political career and astutely predicted the war in Iraq would be an unmitigated fiasco. John McCain, on the other hand, married a pill-popping beer heiress. Sure, she's hot--for an old lady--but, c'mon, he had to know that would come back to haunt him. Take it from me, the wild ones are fun for a weekend in Tijuana, but you'd have to be an idiot to marry them.

Some people may view Gen. Clark's comments as a cynical self-endorsement to be Sen. Obama's running mate, with the suggestion that he, as the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander--wow, sounds like some sort of Nazi title, doesn't it?--and not Sen. McCain, has the military wherewithal to help lead our nation. I assure you he has no designs on the vice presidency. Need I remind you that, four short years ago, he ran for the presidential nomination--and lost badly, due to his political ineptitude and a wooden demeanor that made Al Gore circa-2000 look like Jim Carrey in "The Mask"?

On an unrelated note, does anyone know what the parking regulations on Pennsylvania Ave. are concerning U-Hauls?

Look, John McCain is a war hero and an honorable American. But Wesley Clark's background is unparalleled—valedictorian at West Point, Rhodes Scholar, that Nazi thing I mentioned earlier. Perfect, unblemished, exemplary. Oh, wait, I forgot. He's one-eighth Jewish. Never mind.

Posted by: Teddy Wayne      I’m a fan of Teddy Wayne