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I Want To Be Number Two: Mitt Romney
Romney slipping John McCain a $20 million bill
According to Politico, in the jockeying for the Republican vice presidential slot, Mitt Romney has become the favorite—a word not often associated with MItt Romney. The article says that the development has caught many GOP insiders by surprise. Sure, nobody seems to like him, but on the other hand, unlike last week's "it" boy Bobby Jindal, at least Romney's religious weirdness hasn't involved exorcising a demon from somebody. In fact, the real reason for Romney's rise is that he could raise lots money from his wealthy a-hole banker friends. Inspiring, isn't it?
The full rundown on Romney in our VP guide...
Real Name: Willard Mitt Romney
Named after: Wealthy hotel magnate J. Willard Marriott, best friend of his wealthy father George Romney.
Age: 61
Astrological sign: Pisces
Quick bio:
- Born Mormon
- Father was governor
- Still Mormon
- Starts Bain Capital
- Gets wealthier
- Has five Mormon sons
- CEO of winter Olympics in Salt Lake
- Runs for president
- Talks a lot about winter Olympics
- Doesn't talk about being Mormon
- Spends a lot of money
- Loses
- Sucks up to John McCain
- Still Mormon
- Still wealthy
A-hole factor (1-10): 9
Vibe: Insufferable, unctuous, cloying
RGI (Regular Guyness Index): -17
- Coddled rich boy: -3
- Is now worth two hundred million dollars: -4
- Deeply inauthentic: -3
- Chickenhawk: -5
- Five sons: +1
- They have a blog: -3
Con: Is completely without principles.
Pro: Would be running on the GOP ticket.
Con: Is largely hated by America.
Pro: Would be running on the GOP ticket.
Con: Has zero chemistry with McCain.
Pro: No less so than Cindy.
Con: Mormons disliked by many evangelicals.
Pro: There are many other reasons to dislike him.
Con: Will take any position on any issue.
Pro: So will John McCain.
How Bangable by Opposite Sex (1-10): 6*
* If he's allowed to talk: 1.
How Bangable by Same Sex (1-10): 9*
* If he's allowed to talk: 2.
Brings to ticket: Could secure the obscenely-wealthy-New-England-Mormons-who-are-deeply-unprincipled voting block.
Most likely scandal:
It is revealed that for decades Mitt Romney has been using using his considerable wealth to bribe people to spend time with him.
Odds of being chosen: 3 - 1.
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posted 8:46 pm on 07/07/2008
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