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Inappropriate Hottie Rundown: G-8 Summit Leaders
The G-8 is deeply interested in this protester's thoughts on the "military-industrial complex."
The G-8 Summit, an annual meeting of the world's eight richest countries (and a guy from the EU hovering around like he matters), began Monday in Hokkaido, Japan. President Bush and his fellow leaders are windbagging on a variety of issues over the next several days, like greenhouse gases, increasing aid to Africa (even though Bono's not there), and the alleged food crisis. The usual gaggles of protesters are there, too, sporting papier-mache heads and/or looking around confused at the Boredoms concert they thought they were seeing.
There's some fresh meat in the Group of Eight this year: Italy, the UK, Russia, and Japan all have new heads of state. The thought of the new powerbrokers mingling with some of last year's returnees is making the blood rushing straight to our groins as we ponder: just how sexy is this 2008 G-8 summit gonna be? Let's get to oglin'!
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Meet José Manuel Barroso, president of the European Union Commission. This sunny Portuguese cutie's charming as hell, despite his unfortunate horizontal hair-brick, but what is he measuring? Let's hope it's not the size of his linguiça! He can probably get you a passport, though, no questions asked. That and the smile are worth... |
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Yee-hunh? Canada's Prime Minister, Stephen Harper is having an identity crisis. He's probably tired of pretending his country's better than the U.S.A., and who can blame him. But this gentilhomme du boeuf's cowboy hat is a bit overmuch. Canadians are sexy because of their rage, not their assimilationist defeatist accessories. He was better as a red-faced sports dad. FAIL.
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Japanese prime minister Yasuo Fukuda has the thinnest lips this side of John Malkovich, and even worse joie de vivre. Is he the only person in Japan who doesn't love robots? The skeletal physique, and bizarrely chubby baby's hands are making our cherry blossoms wilt. Also, in 2003 he said that Japanese university women who'd been gang-raped "asked for it." Sayonara, jerkoff. |
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Ay, assamattafayoo? It's Silvio Berlusconi, Italy's prime minister. This sleekly shady media titan is the Rupert Murdoch of Italy, only way more corrupt. Madon'! Tell him how great he is and he won't publish pics of your cottage cheese thighs in the tabs. He's a power dom in real life, so he'll probably make you walk on his face in stilettos and beat him with paddles. Typical tortured Catholic.
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YEEOWW! Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev makes panties wetter than the Volga River. This hand-picked Putin successor's devil-may-care necktie, dirty-boy grin and jaunty 30-degree-angle portend way more than just white nights. After 38 shots of Stoli, he'll be bending you over in Lenin's Tomb! FYI, Russians love fur, so don't wax. Za vashe zdorovye! |
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Voila, it's France's debonair, pint-sized president Nicholas Sarkozy! He marries every ex-model he meets, so unless you're 105 pounds or less, don't bother. He loves America (how refreshing!), but you just know he wears thongs and is fussy in bed, with special lighting and mirrors everywhere. Warning: If you tell him you support striking workers during le sex, it'll be finis for you. |
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Anarchy in the UK? No, that's just Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who still somehow thinks juggling is a way to get "birds." Between the sack suit, the mottled gin-face, and the spazzy lack of hand-eye coordination, Gordon's mojo is about as fiery as an Earl Grey-soaked crumpet. Except what's that bulge in his trousers? Forget everything we just said. God save the (size) queen! |
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Wizened good ol' boy George W. Bush, our lame-duck president, has gotten older and greyer, but there's nothing lame about Dubya's WASPy college-prankster aura. He's still as frisky and oblivious as ever, which means you could bag him and then, while he goes off to have a smoke, tag-team his Secret Service detail — Hell, maybe he'll join in when he returns. After all, he was in a frat!
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JAAAAA! German chancellor Angela Merkel makes us wish for "Unification"... with her! This foxy ginger-fringed lady leader shatters sauer Deutsche stereotypen as she demurely hoists her GIGANTIC beer stein and invites us to "make party" in a greenhouse gas-reduced future with adequate aid for Africa! Plus, she has the biggest/only boobs in all the G-8. Wir lieben Sie, Frau M! |
Photo credits: Barroso, Leon Neal/AFP/Getty Images; Harper, AP; Fukuda, AP; Berlusconi, Marco Di Lauro/Getty Images; Medvedev, AP; Sarkozy, Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images; Brown, AP; Bush, Roger L. Wollenberg-Pool/Getty Images; Merkel, Michael Kappeler/AFP/Getty Images.
Filed under: G8, G-8, G8 Summit, G-8 Summit, G8 2008, G-8 2008 Summit, G8 2008 Summit
posted 3:19 pm on 07/09/2008
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