Politics

Former presidential candidate John Edwards has been caught up in a mini-scandal of late. According to the usually reliable salacious National Enquirer, it appears the former senator has been cavorting in Los Angeles with Rielle Hunter, seemingly an American version of Camilla Parker Bowles.

Stunned about these developments? Wondering just what's going on with the man who's at the forefront of the poverty battle? You've come to the right place.

What's the deal with all this John Edwards gossip? I mean...it's pretty much only on Drudge, but still....

You'd know better than me since this story comes from the only magazine you read with any regularity.

Face Squatting Femmes?

No, The National Enquirer.

Oh yeah, I can't believe that John Edwards murdered that alien in cold blood.

What?

Isn't that what's getting all the media attention these days?

No, it's about his love child.

Alien love child?

No, human one, with the divorcée Rielle Hunter.

Shocking! What's a divorcée?

A woman who's divorced.

And her name is "real hunter"?

Apparently she bagged herself an Edwards.

Wow. That was so lame.

I'm the FAQ guy, not a comedy guy.

That I know. But I did read something about this like seven months ago—something about Edwards plugging some chick on the side.

Plugging?

You know...nailing. Putting the stones to.

Splendid. Well, months ago no one believed it because it came from the National Enquirer, a paper known for its yellow journalism.

That's racist.

No, it just means stories that are meant to titillate.

The word "titillate" turns me on.

What doesn't turn you on?

Reading stories about John Edwards's love child.

Let's keep talking then, shall we? Currently, the Enquirer has a story saying Edwards was seen in a Los Angeles hotel visiting his love child.

Scandalous! Okay, back up. What's a love child?

A term for a child born out of wedlock.

Oh, like me.

Well, you'd be more of a hate child.

Ha ha. Listen, Edwards went to visit his child. That's the sign of a responsible parent, right? So why all the criticism?

Edwards is married.

OMFG! That's terrible

It gets worse. His wife has cancer.

Any chance she would approve of him having another kid? Might be good to have another set of hands around the house.

This isn't 1840.

Oh. So how come this story isn't being played on every network?

Well, because there's no real proof as of yet.

When has that stopped the media before?

How cynical. As soon as some photos emerge or some biological proof surfaces, the networks and media will run with the story.

And until then, this lunatic is on the streets to impregnate again?

It's not a crime.

To cheat on your wife? It is on "Divorce Court."

The bottom line here is that you won't see much on this story until there's proof.

Why doesn't the media just ask him?

They did. Check out the video below for his response.

Wow. Saw that. He totally doesn't want to talk about it. Just like I didn't want to talk about that time I was caught with a copy of Face Squatting Femmes magazine. Thankfully, I didn't have a love child.

Probably more accurate to call it a love moment.

Posted by: David Bourgeois      I’m a fan of David Bourgeois