A Reader's Guide to David Brooks, the left's favorite conservative

David Brooks receives a fake degree in honor of his fake insights.

What's the deal with China? It seems so complicated. Fear not, because David Brooks has finally tackled it, and there's nothing Brooks can't decomplicate. A few minutes in the Barnes & Noble "Sociology" section, a few Wikipedia searches, and presto: China explained. It may kinda sound like BS, but, then again, Brooks does always manage to quote some "scientists" and "researchers." Plus, he talks so softly and earnestly, he must a moderate, right?

So how well are you reading the liberals' favorite conservative? Find out after the jump...

READER'S GUIDE: DAVID BROOKS

1. To a true hack sociologist, the word "tend" is very important. How many times does Brooks use it in this column?

a) 2

b) 4

c) 6

d) 7

Answer: D.

2. Which of the following is the best use of the word "tend":

a) David Brooks tends to use sociology in making unsupported claims to give intellectual cover to RNC talking points.

b) David Brooks tends to want to be a public intellectual, but also tends to not really want to put in the work that would require.

c) David Brooks tends to look at Mark Shields with something deeper than collegial admiration.

Answer: A and B.

3. Brooks lead is: "The world can be divided in many ways." What are the two categories he chooses?

a) Sharks and Jets

b) Mary-Kates and Ashleys

c) Individualist societies and collectivist societies

d) Real sociologists and those who make silly unsupported claims based on their work

Answer: C.

4. As Brooks shows, when you make a sweeping assertion like "if you show an American an image of a fish tank, the American will usually describe the biggest fish in the tank and what it is doing. If you ask a Chinese person to describe a fish tank, the Chinese will usually describe the context in which the fish swim," you should back it up with:

a) A citation of the study it's based on.

b) An example of...wait, what?

c) Nothing.

Answer: C.

5. From this assertion, it's only logical to conclude, as Brooks does, that:

a) "Perhaps I should read studies more closely."

b) "Actually, I just pulled that straight out of Maureen Dowd's ass."

c) "Americans usually see individuals; Chinese and other Asians see contexts."

Answer: C.

6. True or False: if you want to write that "individualistic countries," like the United States and Britain, "tend to put rights and privacy first," you shouldn't mention that you're a member of the political party that created the Patriot Act.

Answer: True.

7. If you want to make a claim based on scientific studies, do you:

a) Cite studies and the researchers who produced them.

b) Write that "researchers argue."

c) Write that "some scientists say."

d) Write that "some scientists have theorized."

Answer: B, C, D.

8. According to Brooks, what is "the essence of a lot of the latest scientific research?"

a) Tom Cruise may not be a heterosexual.

b) Barack Obama doesn't like Applebee's.

c) It's hard to write a column twice a week.

d) The Western idea of individual choice is an illusion.

Answer: D.

9. When struggling to finish a column, one technique is to simply write a big grab-bag paragraph full of random observations in no particular order. Which of the following was not in Brooks' version of this:

a) Rational choice is shaped by a whole range of subconscious influences.

b) People who think of a professor before taking a test do better than people who think of a criminal.

c) Human brains mimic the neural firings of people around them.

d) Relationships are the key to happiness.

e) People who live in the densest social networks tend to flourish.

Answer: Miraculously, they all were.