Election 2008

Finally, America gets to meet it's newest gun-totin' sweetheart, Sarah Palin. She may not have much book learnin' but you never know when you're gonna need to field dress a caribou in the White House. Plus, she's a "maverick" and a "reformer." Well, sort of. Turns out she's also going to have to take some time off in the next few weeks to deal with her own corruption problem (if not to deliver a baby or two). You're not likely to hear a lot about it from her or her elderly man-friend John McCain. So what are the facts behind Palin's Troopergate problem?

Sarah Palin "Troopergate" FAQ

So who is Bristol Palin?

This is about Sarah Palin.

The one with Down's Syndrome?

No, that's Sarah's son, Trig.

I thought Trig was the f****in' redneck marrying Piper.

No, that's Bristol.

So Sarah is the governor?

Yeah.

That means she's the one I've fallen in love with. Just like David Gergen said I would

That's nice.

Does David Gergen have Down's Syndrome?

I don't think so.

I'm going to write that down as a "maybe."

Fine. But we're here for "Troopergate."

I thought that was Bill Clinton.

Palin has one, too.

BUT SHE'S A MAVERICK REFORMER!

Use your inside sentence case please.

Sorry. So what's the deal?

She's got her own abuse of power scandal.

Isn't this just liberal bloggers?

No, this is real.

What are bloggers?

Another time.

Okay, so what'd she do?

On July 11, 2008 she fired Alaska Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan.

Probably had it coming.

Why do you say that?

Because she eats moose burgers and isn't stuck up like media elites.

He says she fired him because he refused to fire her former brother-in-law, Michael Wooten.

Who's he?

Ex-husband of Palin's sister Molly, who was in the midst of a bitter custody battle.

Her sister should get the kid.

Why?

Because the Palin's are real people just like me who get knocked up and pulled over for DUI's even though they only had ONE BEER and WASN'T SWERVING AT ALL!.

Focus.

Sorry. They're just so real. Okay, so what's the scandal?

Before Palin fired him, Monegan says her husband and several members of her administration had more than half a dozen contacts with him pressuring him about Wooten.

So?

So, it's illegal for Palin to abuse her office to get rid of her brother in law.

At least she didn't lie about it.

Actually, she did. She initially claimed that neither she nor anyone in her administration contacted Monegan, and only admitted that this wasn't true after Monegan revealed he had emails from her and at least one taped phone call from someone in her administration.

As a reformer, I'm sure she's cooperating.

Not really. The Alaskan State Legislature voted to open an investigation, but Palin, through her lawyer, is refusing to testify unless the investigation is moved to a less powerful personnel board made up of three people she appointed.

Why do you hate women?

What are you talking about?

Clearly you're just an eastern snob hates motherhood and, um...

Yes?

Real things. And, uh, babies. You hate babies.

Hey, the investigation was opened by the Alaskan legislature.

It doesn't matter.

Why?

Because those teens are getting married and doing the right thing and she has problems like me and someone has Down's Syndrome and she shoots a gun and she eats mooses and America has fallen in love with her just like David Gergen said and blogs are horrible and she has executive experience!

Posted by: Stephen Sherrill      I’m a fan of Stephen Sherrill