How white does Obama have to get before you vote for him?

"Yes,I'll have another Long Island Iced Tea."

According to a new AP poll, Obama's race could cost him up to six percent of the overall vote. A political scientist who helped conduct the poll explained, "There are a lot fewer bigots than there were 50 years ago, but that doesn't mean there's only a few bigots."

Nice going, America. It's time to stop judging Obama on his skin color, and start judging him on the content of the ideas that are coming out of that mouth that happens to be on a face that is covered in skin that is black. Jeez.

Look, this dude's mother was white, he attended Harvard and he can't dance! For God's sake, how white does Obama have to get before you'll vote him?

Will you vote for this Obama? Yes, he gets my vote: Then you are black, comfortable with blacks or uncomfortable with 72 year old men. Or you are a moose activist. This Obama is not white enough for me: All right, let's stick his head on a body and start tinkering. You racist.
Will you vote for this Obama? Yes, he gets my vote: Then you have so many black friends that you actually can't count them anymore. Now, it's time to stock up on Asians. This Obama is not white enough for me: You can count all your black friends on one hand- your left hand, which is fingerless due to a farm accident.
How about this one? All right, why not?: You are gay, but you'll never admit it to anyone least of all you. You're married to a gal named Sylvia- Syl for short. She's hoping to have a Down Syndrome child, just like Sarah. Unfortunately for you, in a few years, after giving birth to your fourth "normal" child, Syl sinks into a depression. And then a 16-year-old boy named Andy moves next door. Well, Andy's got abs like this iteration of Obama. And he does crunches on the front lawn. Heaven. This Obama is not white enough for me: You are Andy, and that crazy homo next door is giving you the creeps.
Jeez! What about this Obama? Yes, I'll vote for this Obama: Ok, you know racism is bad, but you like to embarrass that white girl in your black studies class. You're taking black studies because you heard the midterm's easy, But what's she doing in that class anyway besides looking for some dark chocolate? This Obama is not white enough for me: You can't believe you're paying 40 grand a year so your white son can take a "black studies" class.
This one? Ok- how bad can this Obama be? I'll try him out: After Syl drown the children in the bathtub, you started listening to comedy to cheer yourself up. You were crushed when your black neighbor Vernon told you that Larry Cable Guy is from Nebraska, and his real name is Dan Whitney. Vernon saw it on 60 Minutes. Fuck that asshole, right? (Vernon, not Larry). And fuck 60 Minutes too. Goddamn you, Syl. This Obama is not white enough for me: You are Vernon, the state's only black conservative. They don't call you Vernon "Clarence Thomas" Jackson for nothing.
Alright. This one? I would vote for this Obama: You are addicted to meth, as is your boyfriend, Jimmy, who would make a great president by the way. First law he'd pass? Medical meth. This Obama is not white enough for me: You are Bob Barr.