If Senator McCain is elected president, according to actuarial math, there is a one in four chance that he will die in office.

Look John, we appreciate your "country first" work ethic, but if you lead as well as fly, the United States is gonna crash four times, then get shot down. Your temperament is better suited to surviving a five years in a POW camp than saving the most doomed empire since Rome. We appreciate your service, but please clean out your locker and go home.

Is fighting a Democratic-led Congress any way to spend your last years on Earth? You're 72 years-old, and skin cancer has seven different homes on your face. Isn't it time to stop kicking ass and start kicking back? What's the point of having all those houses if you're not gonna die in one of them? And you know Sarah will have you cremated and vased before the Secret Service even notifies Cindy.

Take a load off, pal. Because the further we read about your health in this must-read article called "One-In-Four Chance McCain May Not Survive 2nd Term," the more terrified we became. Check out how our alarm increased the further we read by viewing the 23/6 Emotional X-Y Graph.

Posted by: Laurie Kilmartin      I’m a fan of Laurie Kilmartin