October 01, 2008

Pollsters also missing angry, old men who don't answer the phone after six PM

There is some good news for Obama. He might be doing even better than polls indicate. Since many polls only contact people with land-lines, it is believed that they are missing many younger voters who only have cell phones. When the Pew Research Center included cell phone numbers in their poll, Obama's lead increased by 2 or 3 percentage points.

That's all very nice, but what about all of the McCain supporters that aren't being reached by these polling tactics? To be fair, we've profiled below certain subsections of McCain supporters who are likely being overlooked by pollsters:

Angry, elderly men who don't answer their telephones after 6 PM


They are over 65, they are widowed, they support John McCain, and they are furious at anyone who would have the gall to phone someone unannounced after 6 PM. Is there a fire? Did they win some money? No? Then you must be a G.D. salesman! Was a time when these curmudgeons would answer the phone thinking it might be their daughters calling, but they gave up on that dream long ago. These belligerent Americans could account for as much as 1 or 2% of John McCain's support.

CEOs who are too busy trying to get their banks bought up before the FDIC seizes them


Yes, they understand that your adorable little poll is important, but having run some of the largest financial institutions in America into the ground, they're a little busy right now. If these deposits don't get bought up soon there could be a whole lot of Americans making a run for the ATM. They support McCain, sure, but seriously, the shit is hitting the fan! They'll call ya back!

Kenyan Pentecostal Witch Hunters


You'd be surprised how many of these guys there are. In Kenya, witch hunters are like locksmiths. Everyone needs one eventually. Anyway, these guys are strong supporters of the McCain-Palin ticket, but unfortunately, they believe telephones are conduits for demons. Additionally, they live in Kenya and are unable to vote in American elections. Still, their voices should be heard!

People who live in igloos


There aren't any phones in igloos, and yet almost everybody in Sarah Palin's home state of Alaska lives in one. So all 88 people up there in Alaska are being left out of these poll numbers? Chalk em up for McCain.

People who are still held captive in POW camps


Bring em home! They didn't serve their country bravely just to be ignored by Gallup!

Posted by: Bob Powers      I’m a fan of Bob Powers
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lvdragonlady
posted 4:37 pm on 10/01/2008
See profile | I'm a fan of lvdragonlady
Gee I do hope that they call my dad. Boy will they get one heck of a response.........lol

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