John McCain is having a rough week. Both the Hispanics and the working class whites are breaking up with him. They had promised him it would be forever, and he promised them immigration reform and his own milky whiteness (respectively), but in the end, that wasn't enough. Was it something he said? Can he find a way to win back their love? To help him out, we created this "John McCain Please-Take-Me-Back O-tron" which contains all the teary pleading he'll need to do as his various demographics of supporters break up with him over the next few weeks...

My Dearest
Working Class Whites,
Hispanics,
Blacks,
Asians,
Women,
Jews,

Please. Don't go.

Was it something I said?"Ayers?"
"Maverick?"
"Earmark? Did I say earmark too much?"
"Maverick? It was Maverick wasn't it?"
"My VP is Sarah Palin?" Did that turn you off? Please
Working Class Whites,
Hispanics,
Blacks,
Asians,
Women,
Jews,
try and remember the good times. Like our picnic on
Arbor Day.
Cinco de Mayo.
MLK Day. Oh wait, no I worked that day.
Bruce Lee's birthday.
the day we waited in line for Sex and the City tickets.
Rosh Hashana, which in retrospect was a really weird day to have a picnic. I long to just once more
stroke your hair.
stoke your racism.
make you scream for the death of my opponent. Oh, my dear, sweet
Working Class Whites,
Hispanics,
Blacks...okay "Black." There's one guy in Minneapolis.
Asians,
Women,
Jews,
don't you know that if you walk away from me,
I am so doomed. I mean if I can't get the whites...
I am going to build a wall so high it'll crack the ozone layer.
I'm just really gonna lose my shit. McCain style! Please, I can change. I've proven that by the way I launch a new campaign strategy every 18 hours. Oh my dear, dear
Working Class Whites,
Hispanics,
Terance Patterson of Minneapolis,
Asians,
Women,
Jews,
it will be different this time. Instead of constantly repeating
Ayers,
Reform,
Maverick, without bothering to actually address an issue, I can constantly repeat
Rezko.
"shake things up."
...well, I'm still gonna say Maverick. No one can take that away from me.

I know why you're leaving. But he's wrong for you.

He thinks this election is about
change
a need for responsible leadership
the creation of an America that doesn't only serve the rich
when you and I both know this election is about
my seeking vengeance upon this nation for my loss in 2000.
my getting the power to take our military back to Nam and finding the bastards who broke my arms.
my life expectancy.
I can't lose you,
Working Class Whites.
Hispanics.
Terance Patterson of Minneapolis.
Asians.
Women.
Jews.
I just can't lose you.

In fact, I won't lose you.

What you think you can just leave? Think I'll let you?! I survived
Hanoi!
decades of marriage to the iciest snow queen in the arctic!
a Karl Rove smear job! Think I'm just gonna let you go? Yeah that's right. This is John McCain's "world famous" temper you're feeling. Guess what, I'm at about a 4 right now. Wanna see me turn it up to 7?! Do you,
Working Class Whites?!
Hispanics?!
Terance Patterson of Minneapolis?!
Asians?!
Women?!
Jews?!
Then be smart. Vote McCain, and I promise to
love you forever.
buy your mortgages.
not kidnap your Weimaraner. But if you vote Obama, I swear to God,
Working Class Whites
Hispanics
Terance Patterson of Minneapolis
Asians
Women
Jews
, you'll feel the full force of the Maverick straight up your ass!!!

Aw jeez, I lost it again. Why do you make me do that baby? No, come on. Come back, baby. Please. Come back, baby.

Come back.

Love,
The Campaign to Elect John McCain for President

Posted by: Bob Powers      I’m a fan of Bob Powers