Inappropriate Hottie Rundown: The Media Elites Who Picked Sarah Palin

Small town roots, with media elite highlights.

Sarah Palin can attribute her new prominence in the Republican party not to Josephs Sixpack or Plumber, but to the media elites she excoriates at nearly every campaign event.

Jane Mayer reports that, in 2007, two "cruises for conservatives" took their passengers to Alaska. The first, sponsored by "The Weekly Standard," featured editor William Kristol, Fred Barnes and Michael Gerson. The second, sponsored by "The National Review," hosted editor Rich Lowry and Dick Morris, columnist for The Hill. Both parties stopped by the Governor's mansion in Juneau for lunch.

Fred Barnes was struck by how "exceptionally pretty," Palin was. An article he wrote for the Standard, The Most Popular Governor, set the ball in motion. Kristol immediately took up her cause on Fox News and, here we are today, forced to ask ourselves, who are these East Coast Media Elites, and how do-able are they?

Inappropriate Hottie Rundown:
The Media Elites Who Picked Sarah Palin

	To paraphrase Hobbes, Bill Kristol is inaccurate, influential and short. What kind of man would send others to fight while he stays home to appear on TV? (Sorry, "Republican" isn't enough of an answer.) Bill Kristol's choices are often suspect. He was an architect of the Iraq war, which was wrong, and a major cheerleader of Sarah Palin, who is awful. So we posit, in the form of an "if-then" statement, that if Bill Kristol loves things that are wrong and awful, then he probably loves anal. Bill Kristol. Up in it. Score: 1 out of 4 dead wolf pups
	Famously blinded by "starbursts" during Sarah Palin's debate with Joe Biden, Rich Lowry looks like every gal's first frat-boy date rapist. You remember this guy. He bought you a drink, and you started chatting. At the exact moment you realized he's full of shit, you blacked out. Hours later, you woke up in a public bathroom, with the word "feminist" scrawled in lipstick on the mirror. Of course he got away with it, because when you described Lowry to the cops, "white male, clean cut, nondescript," that description fit 90% of the Republican party. Score: 2 out of 4 dead wolf pups
	Ladies, this is one conservative who looks like a Kennedy. Joseph P. Kennedy Sr., circa 1938, to be exact. With his FDR's Ambassador to Great Britain glasses and a cowlick that is quickly morphing into a bald spot, it's no surprise that Michael Gerson is married. To coin his phrase, if you want to get wit this former Bush speechwriter, you'll have to include the missus in your axis of evil. Score: 2 out of 4 dead wolf pups
	Foreman of the jury that's still out on the cause of global warming, Fred Barnes' views are so conservative, it's as if he's secretly gay. Born-again Christian? Check. Longtime spouse, now in her fifties? Check. Virulently against gay marriage? Check. Still pro-war? Check. We imagine that if Fred Barnes is straight, he's having the most missionary sex ever. But if he's gay, holy moly, that's quite a cover. Fellas, all we can say is seal your underpants, tape your mouth, cover your ears and double band-aid all open wounds, cause this guy is Way. Too. Straight. Score: 0 out of 4 dead wolf pups
	Ladies, have un-reimbursed medical bills left you in a pinch? Well, there's good news on the (hand) job front, because sex with Fox News contributor Dick Morris pays. In fact, this former Jew's preference for prostitution runs so deep that he converted to Catholicism to make it stop. (And we all know the Church's success rate when it comes to curing a man of his sexual proclivities). Why not let this former Clinton adviser help pay off your hospital bills? Just lay back and think of England, a country with universal health care. And don't be surprised if Morris cries "Oh, Hillary!" when he ejaculates all over your C-section scar. Score: 4 out of 4 dead wolf pups