Rural whites fear President Obama will set the blacks loose on them

What happens when the latte drinkers and the arugula eaters take over

There's been some worry expressed in this election of what black people will do if Obama loses. But apparently some people are even more worried about what black people will do if Obama wins. You might just say they're worried about black people.

NPR went to York, PA to talk to some voters and found Leah Moreland. To let us know she's, you know, cool with blacks and everything, she starts off with: "I don't want to sound racist..." Uh, sure, Leah, we got you. She continues: "But I feel if we put Obama in the White House, there will be chaos. I feel a lot of black people are going to feel it's payback time... I'm still going to be friends with anybody black that wants to be my friend and everything. But I really feel there's going to be a time of adjustment."

We're with Leah. We've already stocked up on canned goods, batteries, and just bought an African American phrasebook to help navigate this strange new land we're about enter. We advise you to do the same. We don't know what it's going to look like for sure, but here are our predictions for the Obama chaos that will soon break out:

• Awkward confrontations when whites walk up to random blacks and ask, "So, we cool?"

• GOP exodus to Canada; Canadian health care system is hastily privatized.

• Reports of "drive-by huggings."

• Black college students thinking it's appropriate to dress up in white face on Halloween.

• Reverse looting, with people going around town handing out televisions.

• Suddenly Ivy League grads with Harvard Law degrees will act as if they own the world.

• Mass rapings (although rape kits, because of socialism, will be free).

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"York Voters Express Post-Election Hopes, Fears" - NPR