You've no doubt heard about the "Bradley Effect," the theory that voters will lie to pollsters and say they're voting for a black candidate and then vote white once they're in the booth. People love bringing up the "Bradley Effect" because it provides an apparently scientific angle to the "Holy crap we might have a black president" conversation.

Well there's a new effect in town. It's called the "Bandwagon Effect," wherein undecideds end up voting for the likely winner, much to the scorn of voters who supported Obama back when he was still playing the small venues and recording his stump speeches on a 4-track in his bedroom.

It's getting hard to keep track of all the "effects" we can fall into. We compiled a list of election effects to help our readers out. Which effect is most "you?"

ELECTION EFFECTS FOR WHICH YOU ARE THE CAUSE

The Flat-Out Racist Effect - Voters who will tell pollsters that they refuse to vote for Obama because he is black, and then when they get into the booth they do not vote for Obama.

The Acorn Effect - A voter who takes 77 election polls, just to help the pollsters meet their quota.

The "I Never Visited Grampa At That Horrible Rest Home Except When I Was Forced To On Christmas" Effect - Voters who will vote for an elderly candidate out of guilt for the way they let their grandparents die alone, often in squalor.

The Lonely But Unregistered Effect - Unregistered voters who are so desperately lonely and sad that they will hunt down pollsters and pretend that they are registered just to have someone listen to them for the first time in what seems like a lifetime of nothing but quiet, cold darkness.

The Wayward Adult child effect - Voters voting against a candidate because they're betting it would piss off the daughter they haven't spoken to in 14 years, ever since she sided with her mother during the divorce, and the both of 'em can rot wherever they are as far as these voters are concerned.

The Lawncare Effect - Voters who will say one thing to pollsters, but then end up voting for whichever candidate is most likely to impose laws that make everybody in the neighborhood give adequate attention to the state of their lawns. Even the Johnsons down the block, who would apparently rather see us lose in Iraq than do a little G.D. weeding.

The Boner Effect - Male voters who feel their impotence is tied to the Bush presidency. These men want less of the same. Way less. They'll vote for the candidate they think will make them get hard again.

The Palin Effect - Voters who say they're going to pull the lever for McCain-Palin, but only if they are allowed to pull the lever by shooting at it from a helicopter.

The Effect Effect - Voters who answer election polls honestly, then worry that their response and actual vote will somehow aid one of the above-listed effects, and so abstain from voting in the hopes of offsetting the possible effect their vote would cause, not realizing that their efforts to offset an effect is an effect in itself.

The Effect Effect Effect - Voters who realize that any effort to offset an effect will result in an effect in itself, unless they take themselves off the voter rolls completely, and so take their own lives in the name of suffrage.

The Wreckx-n-Effect - Voters who tell pollsters one thing and then when they get into the booth they just write in "The Rump Shaker" as their candidate of choice.

The Asshole Effect - Voters who lie to pollsters about who they're going to vote for just to be assholes.

Posted by: Bob Powers      I’m a fan of Bob Powers