PED (Post-election depression) is real, and in this case, untreatable

His teeth are whiter than ours, and he smoked. WTF?

Tuesday night's results were thrilling, and the ensuing three days so breathtaking (Rahm Emanuel, maybe Bobby Kennedy Jr., "Mutt like me") that we weren't prepared for our current depression.

Barack Obama is better than us. We've analyzed our lives from every possible angle, and from no vantage point do we win. He is smarter than us, and more even-tempered. His marriage is stronger and his children are more adorable (our child just turned 2, and he bites.) Barack works out, he can do chin ups and he surfs. He can discuss his tax plan with any old plumber on the street. He is funny. Not just "funny for a politician", but actually funny. He went to two Ivy Leagues universities and then took a low-paying job that helped people. We dropped out of several community colleges and then telemarketed, which, if we recall, exploited the elderly.

Oh sure, he can't bowl. That would be some consolation if we could, but we can't bowl either. Obama talked an army of volunteers into working 40, 50, 60 hours a week for him, until he won. We can't even get the super to fix our toilet without sticking a fifty in his ass crack. He even says, "Si se puede," with a perfect Hispanic accent. (By "Hispanic," we mean "Mexican." If Obama spoke Spanish with a Puerto Rican accent- well, jeez, even we can do that.)

We'll miss being better than the president. During this Bush era, we were smarter, soberer, nicer and honester. One his daughters was a drunk slut, and his wife was strange in a way that suggests she is doing something in secret. Something terrible we'll hear about after she dies. Sarah Palin and her family promised an even higher escalation of our ego, but the better man won.

Dang.

Thank you

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