Want tickets to Barack Obama's inauguration? Get in line, you entitled snot. The Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies has distributed just 240,000 tickets for the event, which are available at the discretion of members of the House and Senate. Congressional offices have been so swamped with requests (Sen. Dianne Feinstein has received more than 40,000 calls and e-mails), that they're posting messages on their Web sites telling constituents "no."

Maybe it's time to polish up your letter-writing skills. Try 23/6's "I Want Inauguration Tickets"-o-Tron. Select the options that best describe your situation, and we'll see you at the White House!

Dear Senator
Congressman
Lord, why hast thou forsaken me,

I am writing to ask
beg
threaten you for tickets to the inauguration of President-Elect Barack Obama
He Whose Name I Am Not Fit to Utter
Joe Biden. I realize that the demand for these limited tickets is more than your office can accommodate
reaching Hannah Montana-like levels of insanity
nothing compared to the hell I will unleash if you screw me. But at the risk of being presumptuous
a douche
placed on a watch list, I do believe that I should be granted tickets
am owed this because I have black friends
will kill myself if I miss this and it will be on your head. Allow me to tell you why.

I come from a long line of blue-collar workers
assassins
blue-collar assassins. My parents were active contributors to the civil rights movement.
collapse of the economy.
opposition party...but, hey, bygones! Right? And when I think about what it would mean for my children to witness history
your slow death by my hand
them Washington folks swearin' in a nig--...uh, new president...well, it simply brings a tear to my eye.
a crisp C-note from my palm to your wallet, dig?Did I say C-note? I meant Euro-note.

Let me be perfectly clear: I will do anything
absolutely anything...you know, "whatever it takes"
you see what I'm getting at? I'll do ANYTHING
I'm saying I'll touch it if you want me to for these tickets.

Thank you for your kind consideration in this matter
your many years of service to our country
having your assistant crumple this up and trash it. I hope you will generously grant us tickets to the event
not force me to get Vito and the boys involved
let me touch it - forget the tickets, and I look forward to visiting your office while I am in Washington, D.C.
mother to tell her how awful you are
grave if I don't get my way.

Yours sincerely,
A fond constituent
an unregistered voter
Angel of Death

Posted by: Jason Reich      I’m a fan of Jason Reich