Inappropriate Hottie Rundown: White House Pets

Checkers (Richard Nixon): We're "game" for this little cocker spaniel, who we'd let "jump" into our "back row" anytime! It was almost "check and mate" for Tricky Dick's political career when he turned on the nation's waterworks by invoking this pooch's name. How better to say "thanks for saving my ass" than a little doggy-style "triple word score," if you catch our drift. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200!
3.5/4 leg humps

Tiger (Calvin Coolidge): Hold that Tiger! The Coolidges kept quite a few animals around the White House - a veritable "piece of ass menagerie," if you will - but none of those pets make us purr the way Tiger does. And we're not the only ones in thrall to this kitty. Ol' Silent Cal even took to the radiowaves for help once when Tiger went missing. He's an alley cat from the streets, so you know he likes to scratch...just put out a saucer of milk and let him work the balls (of yarn, that is)!
3/4 leg humps

Macaroni (John F. Kennedy): A gift from LBJ to the young Caroline Kennedy, this feisty filly had free run of the White House grounds, and rumor has it she liked it bareback. A public favorite, the pony received thousands of fan letters from Americans who wanted to slurp up a piece of Macaroni. But don't sneak up behind her, or a well-placed hoof to the groin could leave you out of the saddle for quite some time.
2.5/4 leg humps

Pauline Wayne (William Howard Taft): Meee-ow! This bovine beauty was the last cow to make the White House her home, but she's by far she's the most "utterly" sexy of the bunch. Pauline Wayne used to provide milk for President Taft, and just thinking about it makes us want to cream! Best of all, no matter where she went, this naughty submissive always brought her own leather.
3/4 leg humps

Old Whiskers (Benjamin Harrison): "Mature honeys" aren't everyone's cup of tea, but those who worship a nice GILF will love Old Whiskers, the goat belonging to Benjamin Harrison's son, Russell. This incorrigible tease liked to get nasty and once escaped down Pennsylvania Avenue with the president in hot pursuit, but came crawling back like the desperate slut he is. Hey, Old Whiskers, there's a tin can in our pants. See if you can find it.
4/4 leg humps

Family of mice (Andrew Johnson): In the final year of his administration following his impeachment, Johnson tended to a family of mice that had taken up residence in his bedroom, providing them with water and a dish of flour every evening. As the story goes, Johnson called the mice his "little fellows" and said he appreciated the fact that the rodents did not judge him for having been impeached. Granted, the mice were pretty smokin' hot, and we'd give them a higher score if this story weren't so depressing.
0/4 leg humps