RSSThe Big 3 Bailout: how auto execs can turn down the volume on the douchiness
On right, GM CEO Rick Wagoner, fresh from his luxury jet's tanning bed.
The top executives from the Big 3 automakers will be panhandling around Washington again this week, seeking a financial aid package to avoid bankruptcy. After the executives were shamed last time around for arriving in separate luxury jets, they've been warned to show a little more modesty.
Thing is, these guys have been sitting in their Penthouse offices for so long, they don't really know what modesty is. You have to spell it out for them. So to help those executives who have managed to destroy the American auto industry, we offer the following tips on how to not come off like a bunch of caviar-bloated, greedy money barons.
1. For God's sake, don't take separate jets again. When you go begging for money, you don't arrive on three separate luxury jets. This time, maybe you can all arrive together, in something less ostentatious than a private jet. There's more than enough room on the Chrysler yacht.
2. Don't be flashy. If you're chilly, ask them to turn up the heat. No need to wrap yourselves in your chinchilla stoles.
3. Empty your pockets of all diamond encrusted items before entering the hearing. You don't want to be seen signing a bailout agreement with a diamond encrusted pen. And if you pretend to cry, don't wipe your tears with a diamond encrusted handkerchief. It'll chafe.
4. Remember, you're on their schedule. Do not ask for a recess so that you can take your labradoodles for "walkies." You brought your team of personal attendants for a reason. Put those underage illegals to work, darnit!
5. Finally, be grateful for whatever you're given. When you sip from your glass of water, don't spit it out and throw the glass on the floor screaming "Tap water! Why don't you just make me drink piss?!" That really didn't win over Chris Dodd last time around.
Filed under: big three automakers, automaker bailout, automaker crisis, big 3 automakers, big three automakers Washington, automakers in Washington, big three automakers Congress, big three automakers campaign, automakers Washington campaign, automakers bailout Washington, automakers meet in Washington, automakers meeting, Chrysler bailout, Ford bailout, GM bailout, auto industry crisis, auto industry bailout, financial crisis, automobile industry crisis, Chrysler, Ford, GM
posted 5:50 pm on 12/04/2008
You're now a Fan of canadian52.
posted 12:20 pm on 12/03/2008
You're now a Fan of politicoprincess.
posted 3:19 pm on 12/02/2008
You're now a Fan of INDYVOTER76.