George and Laura Bush have reportedly bought a house in Dallas. The Post reports that the move is a concession to the First Lady, who expressed a desire not to live the rest of her goddamn life in Crawford (paraphrasing). The new digs are in the Preston Hollow area of Dallas, which is less awful than the rest of Dallas. Either way, looks like the ranch in Crawford is for sale!

Let's take a look-see at the broker's listing:

YOU HAVE ARRIVED!!!! Once dubbed, "The Western White House," the 1600 acre Prairie Chapel Ranch is now referred to as "That Shithole we're finally out of," by the seller's wife.

Schedule your photo op today, because nothing says, "I'm a conservative" like this beautiful four bedroom, 3 bath ranch complete with fake brush that needs a-cleanin.' Whether you're holding hands with a Saudi prince, making eyes with your work wives, you will love living in this estate that is completely hidden from the press. Lonely? Mosey on up a road a few and meet the hot moms at Camp Casey!

Amenities include:

• Over seventy secret "booze lockers" (Detailed map provided upon request).


• The Jenna Room- a discreet abortion parlor located on the 3rd floor. Only been used twice!


• The "phone-tap" room- listen in on anyone's phone calls (except Dick Cheney- sorry).


• Home office includes a globe of Texas.

Posted by: Laurie Kilmartin      I’m a fan of Laurie Kilmartin