The Defending Bush's Legacy-O-Tron

It's easier to remember the things that he didn't ruin.

During a panel discussion of Bush's potential legacy last night, Karl Rove defended Bush's decision to go to war saying, "We wouldn't have gone to war if the intelligence was better." He of course neglected to mention that he's talking about intelligence that they fabricated.

The revisionist legacy builders are kicking it into high gear. But finding the silver lining in the Bush cloud is gonna be pretty difficult. So to help conservatives defend their guy, we provide this handy Defending Bush's Legacy-O-Tron, with all the excuses, concessions, and outright lies one might need in their effort to convince somebody that Bush wasn't the worst president ever.

But the guy did one or two okay things, right? Sure, he had his bad moments. Like,
Iraq.
Katrina.
Plame-gate.
the housing crisis.
the failure to even try and find Osama Bin Laden.
the strained relations with all foreign nations.
Abu Graib.
the wire-tapping.
the attorney general firings.
um, Cheney, and everything that he touched. And yeah, there were a bunch of snafus, like
that Mission Accomplished banner.
those times when Rumsfeld made decisions.
the whole "sending Powell to lie to the UN" thing.
the whole "screw the UN weapons inspectors, we're goin' in anyway" thing.
the whole "becoming President in 2000 even though he wasn't elected" thing.
no child left behind.
that time he messed with old people's prescriptions.
that time he tried to privatize social security.
all those ways he tried to fuck up the environment.
Mars. Remember when he wanted to go to Mars? Jesus... But there are a few bright spots, right? I mean, during his two terms, the American people were never
on fire all at once.
forced into sexual slavery all at once.
sold to gypsies all at once, for a sweet bulk rate. Right? Could'a happened but didn't. And by bringing our country down a few notches, we have a real appreciation for how great it used to be.
maybe we'll stop acting all snobby. No one likes a braggart.
people want to bomb us less. They think Al Qaeda already did the job. I dare say Bush loved this country more than most other Presidents, which is why he decided
to show us how easily our country could lose it's way if we elect someone like him again.
to attack imaginary enemies who had made-up WMDS. Can't be too careful!
to destroy our constitution so no one will be able to steal it. Think about how you are today compared to eight years ago. Are you more aware of the legal and illegal ways a president can go to war?
the legal and illegal ways a president can wiretap citizens?
the legal and illegal ways a president can leak the identity of a covert agent? You can thank Bush for that knowledge. He's did more to teach people about the legal limitations of the office of the president than any social studies teacher ever did.

Now, sure, if you press me to name one Bush policy that ended up benefiting this country, I'll pretend to have a heart attack and lay on the ground until you go away.
point behind you and shout "Look, is that George Clooney?" Then I'll run.
say that I know some but I'm not gonna tell you because you're being a dick. But if you press me to think of one good thing that's come of the Bush Presidency? That's easy: He's steered our country to such a lowpoint that things can only get better.
Jeb can't run for president now.
Obama won.

Thank you

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"Rove: We Wouldn't Have Invaded Iraq If We Knew The Truth About WMDs" -HuffPost