We're almost through the holiday season. Just one or two more dinners with family and then we have another eleven months of freedom (unless there's a "can't-miss-or-we'll-disown-you" funeral in the interim). All you have to do is make it through that Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa dinner and you are home free!

Unfortunately, Uncle Ronny is going to be there again, and his forwards from michellemalkin dot com to you have been increasing. Aunt Kim will be there too, and boy does she love starting her sentences with "Well according to Hannity..." Even your little brother thinks you're a homo commie for voting Obama.

Spending the holidays with your right-winger loved ones is always a nightmare, so before you sit down to dinner, make sure you have this handy little cheat sheet of retorts in your back pocket. We've done our best to provide you with a snappy answer to almost every stupid right-winger question that might be thrown your way.

SNAPPY RESPONSES TO GET YOU THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS WITH YOUR RIGHT WINGER LOVED ONES

- Oh you don't mind that Rick Warren compared gays to pedophiles? Then I guess we should start calling cousin Petey a pedophile and stop referring to him as a "confirmed bachelor."

- Yup, both Obama and Blagojevich were involved in Chicago politics, but that doesn't mean Obama's corrupt. When you got fired from the Safeway because your drawer kept coming up light we gave you the benefit of the doubt, didn't we Aunt Kim?

- Um, yeah, I do see Hillary for Secretary of State as "change." Had he appointed Condi and Rumsfeld, and decided to let Cheney run the entire executive branch I might not. But yeah, this is f**king change. Speaking of change Uncle Pete, when we were kids your daughter Jolie used to steal twenties out of your wallet to buy smokes. That was a lotta change!

- No, I'm not eating all of this ham because Obama is going to force us all to stop eating pork when he takes office as decreed by the Muslim religion. I'm eating all of this ham to keep my mouth full so I won't be able to call you a frigging [choose from the following: BIGOT/ASSHAT/SHIT-FOR-BRAINS REDNECK HICK/ALCOHOLIC]!!!

and for almost every other subject, use the following...

- THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S NOT EVEN IN OFFICE YET!!!

Good luck and God bless us, (almost) everyone. Posted by: Bob Powers      I’m a fan of Bob Powers