Free Sherry Johnston!

First, congrats on being a new grandma (even if you're not allowed to see or be within 500 feet of the baby). Second, we just want to say that even though your son, your future daughter-in-law, and her think-her-shit-don't-stink mom are leaving you blowing in the wind on this OC distribution charge, we're with you 100% of the way.

Third, we know that Bristol trapped your boy. Levi is a beautiful young man, glowing like a dimly lit lightbulb. Any girl with two eyes would do whatever she could to get those genes swimming around her ovaries, and Bris is no different. And another thing Sherry, and this is just between you and us, we're pretty sure it was that conniving mom of hers who put Bristol up to it.

"I want that young buck sitting in my section at the RNC," she surely told her daughter. "Trap him Bris. Trap him with two P's." What kind of name is Tripp anyway Sherry? Levi, now that's a name. American as denim.

Fourth and finally, we know you're innocent Sherry. Your son and your tramp-in-law and her whole slutty family might have left you to defend yourself against these charges, but that's only because they're afraid of getting caught. Ya see Sher, we're betting those drugs were planted on you. They're trying to get you out of the picture. Don't let them.

You're a soldier Sherry. You're a fighter against the kind of people who'll try to pretend their lying, semen stealing, clothes hoarding, dinosaur denying families are completely normal and not at all effed up. We need people like you to stand up against the lies and say "Sarah Palin's grandson's grandmother is on trial for dealing drugs!" And we need you to fight this thing Sherry. Fight it all the way to 2012. Fight it as loudly as you can to keep it in the headlines until the next presidential election (or at least the republican primary) is over.

We're with you Sherry. We'll champion your cause. And remember, don't call yourself Sherry when talking about your alleged criminal activities. Instead only refer to yourself as "Sarah Palin's grandson's grandmother." It'll be a big help.

Your brothers in the struggle,