[The following is a fictitious imagining of what might have taken place during this week's Senate cabinet confirmation hearings, had anything interesting been allowed to occur]

Andy thought he knew the drill. Day after day of sitting Indian style on the floor, some guy's knee drilling into his thigh, cramps running up his leg as he snapped photo after photo of the same damn thing every other snapper on the floor was getting. When Andy took the confirmation hearing assignment, he had no idea that when he would hunker down on that carpet he would find the love of his life.

"Get your elbow out of my boob," she said. Andy turned to tell her off, but he was taken aback by the beautiful, long brown hair cascading out from behind her Canon EOS 50 D.

"I'm Andy," he said.

"I'm working," she responded coldly. Andy wanted to see her face, but he didn't know how to ask. Instead he shifted his position so that his elbow wasn't driving into her breast anymore and he tried to concentrate on his work.

During the hearing for Hillary Clinton Andy found his concentration wavering. Normally he felt sick down there on the floor. Caught in the dense musty smell of three dozen photographers huddled together like Penguins waiting out a winter, shoes driving into his ass, lenses smacking his face, it was unbearable. But this time, there was only one scent, and it was delicious. There was only one shoe up his ass, and he wanted it to go up even further. Even though they were all crammed together like a cuddle party with Nikons, Andy felt there was only one other photographer in the room. And he didn't even know her name.

"Shit," he heard her whisper during Tom Vilsack's hearing. Andy turned and saw she was out of memory cards, so he hastily offered her one. That's when he got a look at her face and he knew he never wanted to look anywhere but into those eyes.

"Thanks," she said, smiling as she installed the card. "I'm Ellen." Andy managed to keep cool and go back to shooting pics.

It was while Eric K Shinseki was being questioned that she touched his balls for the first time. It appeared to be an accident; she was sitting on her knees and had lost her balance, so she reached out to brace herself. She missed his thigh and braised his crotch before landing her hand on the floor in between his legs. When he saw she was blushing, Andy worried he might faint.

When Peter R. Orszag was in front of the committee, Andy and Ellen began leaning closer and closer together until they felt like they were hugging with everything but their arms. By the time Lisa P Jackson was up, they had pulled their coats over themselves and started making out. It looked like just a pile of coats and camera bags, but all the other photographers on the floor knew what was going down. This kind of thing happens a lot when a bunch of photographers huddle up together on a Senate floor for a week, and it's the Senate floor photographer's code to let that love develop. The pictures can wait.

Eric Holder's hearing might have been the most heated of the week, but that had nothing to do with the Marc Rich pardon, and everything to do with the Senate confirmation hearing floor photographers having intercourse under a pile of camera bags. It was magical.

By the time Janet Napolitano was ready to begin her opening statement, Andy was ready to begin the rest of his life with Ellen. He threw off the camera bags, got on one knee, and proposed to her right there in front of the Senate, the photographers, and the future Secretary of Homeland Security. Ellen said yes and the whole room cheered. The moment was captured in several thousand really outstanding photographs.

Posted by: Bob Powers      I’m a fan of Bob Powers