I recently spoke to a group of teenagers about everything from being happier, to feeling more confident, to answering their questions about love, sex and being less stressed and overwhelmed. The conversation free-flowed. I hadn't really planned what I was going to say....but I had a friend take some notes on some of the nuggets I did share with them. When you're in flow, you don't remember what you even said! So, below are some tips you may want to give your teen or pass onto a friend. What was interesting to me was how relevant they were to me, at the ripe age of 36. Perhaps we all need the same reminders.
1) Get a few super snazzy playlists together. For example, create the Feel Confident/Feel Sexy/Feel Great About Life playlists. Music is one of the best mood shifters.
2) Pick a word and a theme to focus on, not the 10 goals you have or things you know need to change in your life. Remember these as you go along your day. For example, say yes! Say yes to everything/anything. And get the following: Better Health and Kindness and No More Self-criticism and More Smiles and Assume the Best and so on.
3) Every morning, set an intention for what you want to have happen that day.
4) Do the thing that scares you. Nothing feels better than being courageous.
5) Nothing is more attractive to a guy than a girl's smile (and vice versa, even though it was a woman asking me this). Everyone has one of these so use yours!
6) Find a way to give back, volunteer, get involved in a cause you care about. It's wonderful to share your time and gifts on something that matters and you will meet people, feel valuable, and learn and add something to your resume.
7) Focus on what is going right, not what is going wrong. You always get to choose. Somehow we talk a LOT more about what's not working than we ever do about what is. Pretend you're on a Debate Team, and you have to debate why things are great (as opposed to terrible).
8) Compare and Despair. The minute you compare yourself, you're setting yourself up to get depressed.
9) Write down 3 things you're incredibly proud of that you've accomplished. Remember these when you're feeling down, you're the person that got these done!
10) Be gentle on yourself and light on life.
11) Don't have high expectations for your teachers, classes, parents, boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. So whatever happens is just a bonus. It's having too many and too high expectations and then being disappointed that hurts you.
12) QTIP- Quit Taking it Personally...most of it is not about you.
13) Take each day at a time. Anything can happen. Stop living in the past and thinking about what happened then or in the future and all the scenarios you've made up in your head that might happen. Be present, here and now.
14) Don't make assumptions about your crush, your friends, your teachers. Let all of that unfold. You don't know how any of it will work out. Let yourself be surprised.
15) Don't try to be perfect. High standards are exhausting. You're allowed to be human.
16) Smart is cool. Yes it's ok to be smart, to succeed, to have big dreams.
17) Your worst day is someone's biggest dream. Think about it. Your life, school, friends. clothes are what someone in the world would do anything for...even on your worst day.
18) IDIA- I Deserve It All. Yes you do. You don't need to set limits on who or what you want to be. You can have more than one thing...the guy, the grades, the healthy body.
19) Listen to your body. If you need to rest, rest. If you need to move, go for a workout. Don't be disconnected, in your head and then not feel how you really are. Your body is your friend and it's always trying to help you out. It's on your side. It knows exactly what you need.
20) Find a way to be nice to at least one person everyday. S/he can be a friend, someone who needs a friend, the cleaning lady at school, your sibling.
If you ever want me to come speak to a school or university or group of folks about any of this, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I love doing this.
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