Some Post-Thanksgiving Advice For Scott McClellan

Poor Scott McClellan.

He must be feeling left out. While members of both parties keep popping up and calling for Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, and even Vice President Cheney to resign, no one has mentioned Scottie.

So, in the gentle spirit of this Thanksgiving weekend, let me step in: Scottie McClellan should step down. But not for the same reasons as Rove, Rummy and Cheney. I think Scottie should resign for Scottie's sake.

I mean, just look at him. Day in and day out, being sent out with such ludicrous talking points, contradictory evasions, half-truths, non-sequiturs, and outright lies -- it's hard to even watch him.

Sometimes, his talking points are so mutually contradictory you get the feeling that his hard drive is about to crash, and Helen Thomas will have to step up and reboot him.

Check out this classic Scottie exchange exchange with Thomas about the administration's policy on torture. Just another ordinary day of near spontaneous combustion.

For God's sake, someone put him out of his -- and our -- misery.

Of course, it's a tough job defending the indefensible. Which is why it's actually a testament to Scottie that he's not up to it. He may just be too naturally honest to look natural while constantly lying.

Being a Bush administration spokesman requires someone with, to put it generously, a more supple mind. Just look at Rummy and Cheney. Here are two guys who are comfortable lying. Guys who can not only say two completely contradictory sentences, but actually believe them at the same time. That's what you need as a Bush administration spokesman, and, to his credit, this is what Scottie lacks.

And as this administration grows more and more absurd, and the press more and more frequently smells blood, I'm afraid it's only going to grow worse and worse for Scottie. Until one day...kablam! When it finally happens, I only hope it doesn't short out my TiVo.

Plus, Scottie would be so much happier in another job, as a spokesperson for something he could believe in. Ideally, it would be something that's unassailably good, where he's not being attacked every day. Something like the National Puppy Lobby. Big Puppy would not only be a powerful lobby, but just think how much more relaxing it would be for Scottie, saying things like:

"Helen, the National Puppy Association agrees with you that puppies are very, very cute, and we look forward to providing children and people of all ages something to snuggle and play with and give licks and kisses to."

Think about it, Scottie...