One of my most favorite things to talk about is Love. There was a time where I had many limiting beliefs about Love, but after having been "enlightened" to the Truths, I find it intriguing that there can be so many limiting beliefs about something that is limitless. It took me a long time to recognize my own misconceptions about what Love is and what I continue to realize is that the more experience I have with Love and the more I understand the Truths about Love, the more exact Love becomes, yet indescribable and undefinable all the same.
There was a time when I believed Love to be scary or something to stay away from. I thought Love hurt and that it was painful. I actually thought Love did me more harm than good. Every time I messed around with Love, eventually I got hurt. So, I gave up on Love. I gave up on being hurt. I gave up on being rejected. I gave up on trying to find something that didn't want to stick around. I was tired.
I remember dropping on my knees in the bathroom one day and begging God to take away the pain. I didn't want to feel what I was feeling anymore. I couldn't handle the pain.
Frankly, Love Sucked!
For a moment, I believed God did what I asked. I felt immune. He helped me build a wall to keep Love out. I wasn't going to be vulnerable anymore. I wasn't going to be weak. Show sadness....heck no! Anger and Fear became my defense against Love. Sometimes I would search to find Love again, but when I felt it even remotely come forward, I shut it back down. To feel Love was to feel weak, I believed, but to Fear Love, that unconsciously became my strength. Don't think you're gonna sneak back in here. Don't for a second think you're gonna catch me sad anymore. And to show you just how much I don't care about you, I'm gonna yell at you to show that you can't hurt me anymore. Better yet, I can hurt YOU. I win. I'm right. Tell me I'm right.
Eventually I realized that although Love wasn't hurting me anymore, anger was. Love wasn't taking No for an answer and it wasn't going away, so even though the wall was up, and it was sturdy, I still felt like I had to always be on guard. Anger didn't feel good. Anger made me begin to dislike myself. I didn't like when other people were angry, and I would get angry at them for being so angry. I started to get scared. Maybe Love wasn't so bad after all. But was it too late?
It took me two years of studying at The University Of Santa Monica, and getting a Masters Degree in Spiritual Psychology (which I love to call the "Love Degree"), to fully grasp the concept of what Love really was. Could I get it back? Could I feel it again? Could I Love Love? Could I do it all without getting hurt? The answer that always came forward, was so simple. I AM LOVE.
But what does that mean? You see, If I AM Love, then Love is not something I can find, have, keep, or lose. Love is not a noun. It is not outside of me. It IS me. I can not find what I already am, and I sure as heck can't lose it.
A common misconception about life is that our inside world is a reflection of our outer reality, so people often look outside themselves to feel Love. The truth is, our outside world is a reflection of our inner reality. This means that, if we want to experience Love on the outside, all we have to do is look inward to see what is really going on.
I realized that when I am "IN" love, all that means is that I am in a state of connecting to my Authentic Self and remembering I AM Love, therefor reflecting that to my outer world. When I am feeling hurt by Love, I am in a state of disconnect and instead connecting with my ego which will always expect results outside of myself for validation. Then, when the results don't happen the way I think they "should", I get trapped blaming everything and everyone else. No fun.
If Love is our Source and our Soul, then I believe that Love will do ANYTHING for us to realize who we really are. My teacher used to always say "Love will give you cancer, just as quick as it would give you a cold, if that's what it takes for you to awaken". This means that EVERY experience we attract is just a way for Love to get our attention. Love will use anger, sadness, rejection, pain and anything else it needs to, so that we have the opportunity to see where we need to heal and grow. Even fear itself is just an indicator of where Loving can be, so yes, even fear is Love. The moment you recognize that fear IS Love, fear will cease to exist.
If this is true, then all those times I felt scared of Love, I was really scared of myself. All those time I felt rejected by Love, I was really rejecting myself. And all those times I thought Love left me, I really just left myself.
The path of returning to Love can be like riding a see-saw, one moment you can be up, the next moment you can be down, but with each moment you remember who you are, healing occurs and you are one step closer to experiencing the fullness that Love is. The great thing about Love is that it doesn't judge us. Love is ALWAYS available, even when we think it's long gone. When all you can see is pain, Love will sit there patiently waiting for you to return and welcome you with open arms when you do. Each and every time.
"Love always loves you, even when you can't or won't Love yourself." - Robert Holden
In Robert Holden's book Loveability he states that:
"Love brings up everything unlike itself for the purpose of healing...Love does not judge, so nothing is hidden. Love does not condemn, so there is no deception. Love does not censure, so all is revealed. Love exposes the fears you identify with, the secret shame you haven't forgiven, the old wounds not yet released, and every other unloving thought that blocks the awareness of love's prescence... Love shows you what you think of yourself and also how you relate to yourself. Love and fear cannot co-exist...Love brings fear into full view so that you can see if there is a message for you, a lesson for you, or even a gift for you. This is how Love heals fear. This is how love helps you to be fully present, undefended, and open to your life. Love brings up everything unlike itself so that you can let go of fear and be the loving person that you are."
Love is ALL there is. It's God, It's the Universe. It's the sunset at the end of a hard day and the tears that you cry when you don't know what else to do. Looking back, I can truly be grateful for every experience that I have had, because as I continue to recognize who I am AS Love, then I immediately recognize everyone else as the Love they are too.
I leave you with this quote from Rumi:
" Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
So the next time you find yourself crying on the bathroom floor, asking desperately to be relieved, ask yourself.... Am I ready to receive Love's message?
When you are, you will.
Ashley Navarro
www.letlovesurpriseyou.com
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