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Austin Blood
Austin Blood is a relationships expert, author, and public speaker based in Southern California. He can be found writing, ranting and occasionally offending on the popular website, He’s currently working on his first book.

Entries by Austin Blood

Bound and Gagged

(1) Comments | Posted February 17, 2015 | 8:40 AM

Unless you've been living in a monastery or convent for the past few years, you've heard of the book, Fifty Shades of Grey. A fiendishly twisted tale of carnal pleasure, Fifty Shades has captured hearts and minds all over the world and lit a roaring flame deep inside a million...

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Mother's Day Tribute 2014

(0) Comments | Posted May 8, 2014 | 3:50 PM

Dear Moms,

I've always thought children are kind of like poorly-timed bursts of flatulence. You can tolerate them if they're your own, but other people's are simply unbearable. So in commemoration of this and other challenges of motherhood, I am hereby tasking my pen to acknowledge moms everywhere for all...

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An Open Letter to Juan Pablo's Cyber Trolls

(0) Comments | Posted January 21, 2014 | 2:57 PM

Despite his rugged good looks, a six-pack of abs, and legions of lusting women in tow, I wouldn't want to be Juan Pablo right now.

No thanks.

As a cursory glance at the World Wide Web will quickly reveal, the latest bachelor is in the hurt locker something...

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A Memo to Single and Divorced Moms

(0) Comments | Posted July 12, 2013 | 1:07 PM


You don't need me to tell you going through a nasty breakup with the father of your children can be downright cataclysmic. There's something about the complex combination of bloodsucking lawyers, wars of words and mental anguish that causes most women to channel the dark side with a vengeance...

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Dating After Divorce; The D.A.D. Chronicles, Part I

(21) Comments | Posted May 24, 2013 | 2:14 PM

The mere thought induces waves of nausea and recoils of revulsion in newly single women all across the land. Now that I think about it, the distaste clearly isn't limited to just women. Most single guys I know would prefer an infected scrotum to navigating the dysfunctional and sometimes treacherous...

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An Ode to Women: Part One

(2) Comments | Posted April 16, 2013 | 4:34 PM

Legend has it the need for adjectives in the English language arose from man's desire to describe the endless number of ways women have left their mark on our world. The legend says about 600 years ago, a few mischievous monks -- bored with celibacy and Biblical transcription -- challenged...

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Social Media Booty Call

(18) Comments | Posted March 25, 2013 | 1:06 PM

Unless you've been living on the moon for the past couple of years, you've noticed the massive surge in the number of websites dedicated to online dating. Along with old standbys like eHarmony and, hundreds of new sites now cater to every kink, taste and fetish imaginable. If that's...

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Generation MILF

(6) Comments | Posted February 21, 2013 | 8:24 PM

I assume most folks are familiar with the term, MILF. If not, I think Wikipedia says it best..."A common colloquial term generally regarded as vulgar, yet denoting a sexually attractive older female; typically between thirty and fifty years of age."

Despite its off-color beginnings and the words that comprise the...

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The Chaos Of Fatherhood

(321) Comments | Posted January 16, 2013 | 12:36 AM

I've been blessed in this life with two beautiful daughters. They're specimens of physical perfection with hearts of gold to match. When the Supreme Deity crafted this unique batch of femininity, the angels assigned to assist were clearly instructed to use only the finest ingredients. Their sparkling blue eyes and...

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It Has to Be Seen to Be Believed

(1) Comments | Posted January 1, 2013 | 10:10 AM

Las Vegas, Nevada.

Sin City.

The very name itself conjures up images of colossal casinos, bright lights and delightful decadence of every sort. A veritable Disneyland for adults and a playground for indulging our most irresponsible and impulsive whims. Almost everyone has a Vegas story. And contrary to popular opinion,...

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